The year that was, the hopes that weren’t, and moving ahead

by Ginger on December 29, 2015

in Random

It’s that time of year, when the recap posts start flying, and the Instagram retrospectives take over your feed, and everyone looks back on the last 12 months before looking forward to the next 12. You won’t see any of that from me, though, because my feelings on 2015 can basically be summed up thusly:

*fart noise*

This year was stupid, and it was hard, and it just sucked, ok? There were good parts, the rare occasional great parts even (massive love to the people who showed up for me, and kept showing up for me, even when I was in the pit and no use to anyone), but the overwhelming umbrella feeling of 2015 was just shit. It was hard physically, it was hard mentally, it was hard emotionally, it was hard financially, it. was. hard.

And, me being me, I’ve spent a fair amount of time analyzing what I’ve struggled with (most of which goes deeper than what I’ve posted here or on social media), and I think I’ve come to a conclusion that one of the reasons it hit me so hard this year is because…well, damnit, I thought this year was going to be MY year. I was so hopeful, so excited, so energized at the beginning of the year. 2015 was going to be the year I made big changes, and moved forward to the next, awesome chapter in my life. 2015 BABY!

And I think one of the reasons that everything from this year hit so hard, is because I was so hopefully optimistic, and damnit, I feel foolish for having thought any of that, felt any of that. I kind of want to go back to the me in January of 2015 and say “girl, everything that’s going to happen is going to happen (some for good reasons, some not so much), but it’s going to knock you on your ass if you don’t take this down a peg or two.” I let myself get my hopes up, and there’s a not-inconsequential part of me that feels stupid for that. And I think it’s made a hard year even harder to wrap my head around.

Despite that, though, somehow I’m cautiously…I won’t say optimistic, but something close to that…that 2016 has good things in store for me, and for my family. If only because I DEMAND A REFUND ON MY OPTIMISM, WHERE’S ALL THE GOOD SHIT UNIVERSE? Ahem. And maybe a little because it has to be better, just, like statistically, right? But also because I’m going to work my freaking tail off to make it so. This year was the year that pulled me down, next year is the year to rise up.

So I’m done looking back on 2015. I’m done rehashing and recapping and reliving.

Onward, upward, to all the better days ahead. I’m all about 2016.

Cherie December 30, 2015 at 6:21 am

You should never, ever feel stupid for being optimistic. Never. That’s all we’ve got. If we don’t believe in good things for ourselves, who will?

That said, you have had a sucktastic year. You are definitely in a valley, but you have skills, and talent, and you work your ass off and it will all come around. It will.

See? I believe in you, too.

nonsequiturchica December 30, 2015 at 7:33 am

I’m sorry that 2015 sucked. My 2015 wasn’t great until this last month or so. I hope that 2016 is everything that 2015 wasn’t for you!

april January 4, 2016 at 4:59 am

Onward! And many hugs.

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