Ramble Ramble

So I took Thursday off. But, as you might have guessed from my title, not for any, you know, fun reason or anything. No, instead it was due to my inability to turn my head without excruciating pain. And the numbness in both my hands. And the inability to lift or hold the kid without wanting to pass out or vomit from the pain. So, you know, that kind of sucked.

So I took one of my precious PTO days to try and figure out what the hell was wrong. I got a massage, to see if that would help. It didn’t. I went to the chiropractor, to see if that would help. It helped an teensy tiny amount. And I took a pain killer (left over from my c-section). That…just made me loopy and nauseated. All in all, the day kind of sucked.

From all sources, it seems most likely that I have a pinched nerve or two. The cause is still TBD, but frankly I don’t care what is causing it, I just need it to stop. Because wanting to vomit from pain anytime I turn my head kind of isn’t doing it for me.

This is a somewhat awkward blog post, but I can’t seem to get it out of my head, so I’m putting it up anyway. I’d love to hear your thoughts.

Lately, I’ve found that a number of the bloggers I read are dealing with the issues of infertility & miscarriage. It’s heartbreaking to read their struggles and frustrations and hurt and anger, but the grace they show in their writing of these events is amazing to see. They make me cry, and they make me think, and they make me hope along with them that things work out this time.

Here’s the part I’m struggling with–I feel hesitant to leave comments for these lovely ladies. Not because their situation makes me uncomfortable, or because I don’t know what to say (although, sometimes I don’t. But that’s not the issue here). Instead, it’s because I always wonder if I may inadvertently add pain to their day. That sounds kind of self-centered when I read it back to myself, but let me splain where my thinking comes from.

We all know how it goes in the blogging world. You leave a comment and often, you get a return visit (not always, but often). Or, for those of us who have CommentLuv enabled, you get to see the most recent blog post title in the comment. And for some of these bloggers, they have read my stuff in the past (and some still do), so they know who I am, and what my blog consists of.  And it’s pretty apparent that it’s baby central around here lately. It’s what my brain wants me to write about lately, and so that’s what I write.

So whenever I go to leave a comment for one of these ladies, I hesitate because I don’t want to inflict my baby-ness on them, since the lack of baby-ness is what is causing them pain. I would hate, HATE, to add even an instant of additional hurt to their world, especially for something as small as a comment on their blog. So I sit with their page open, thinking “ok, what did I post today?” or “She has commentluv enabled, I should wait until my post title is different” or “does the support I’m offering in this comment out-weigh the sting that might be felt if she comes to my blog and reads about the kid?”

And I guess that’s the gist of my question–does the support I would offer in a comment out-weigh the possible sting of coming to my site/seeing the blog post title/knowing who I am and facing a baby? I know what I would do in real life, but in real life we don’t have comment forms following us around.

Internet, what would you/do you do in these situations? Are there other corollaries that are as fraught with tension? If any of you have experienced a miscarriage or infertility, what do you say? What would you/do you want?

It’s been a sad year for my high heels. It was a year ago this week (damn you ComicCon), that I reinjured my knee. That forced surgery. Which forced recovery. It was February before I attempted high-heels for real again (I had broken them out briefly for job interviews and a few special occasions).

Then in February, I worked a trade show. Yes, I was dumb and wore heels the first day. My feet…no, my toes…hurt beyond belief. Swollen, red, hot–they were the very epitome of inflamed. The next 3 days were not much better. But I thought it was because I had jumped from 0-60, going from flats all the time to 4 straight on-my-feet-for-12-hours-in-heels days.

But, strangely, the pain continued. Every time I wore heels, or wedges, or flip-flops, or hell, anything that wasn’t my tennis shoes.

Three weeks ago, I finally broke down and went to the doctor. Turns out, I’ve got arthritis. At the bare minimum in the toe joints, but more likely through my feet, ankles and other joints as well (we already knew about the knee). According to the doc, heels will pretty much cause me pain from now on.

My heels sit sadly in my closet, rarely worn any more. I attempted small heels today at work–1/2 day, in an office setting, not much walking around. Still, 5 hours later, my feet are–yup–swollen, and inflamed. Damn.

Don’t you think that I’m sticking to flats for all time though. I like the way my legs look in heels, and know that vanity will still occasionally overtake common sense and even my pain threshold.

I will bitch about the pain though. You’ve been warned.

Today is the second part of my dental implant mess. Today is when they go in and actually implant the titanium into my jawbone. Should be good times. Soup for dinner anyone? I’m not looking forward to it (or the next couple of achy days), but I’m thrilled to be taking care of this freaking tooth that has been a problem for at least 10 years, if not more. A few days of pain to not have to worry about it anymore is worth it.

We had a very productive weekend…we started packing (yay!), cleaning out closets and files and whatnot. It makes me even more anxious to move. 19 days and counting…

I’m in horrible shape. After packing up a measly 10 or so boxes, I already am sore and stiff. Yowza. I’ll have time on my hands when we hit California, though, so when not looking for a job, I can test out the gym equipment at the apartment complex. And if no one’s around, the pool. Must get back in shape.