Ramble Ramble

I may have mentioned before that it can be tough being married to an artist. Once or twice, perhaps. He spends a lot of time with his art, there’s the whole money thing, not to mention the weird ego/self-worth thing that happens with artists (and that I’m sure artist’s wives throughout history have had to combat). It’s bizarre at times, hard a lot of the time, and can be tough to deal with at times for those of us who aren’t possessed by that kind of passion.

However, occasionally the stars begin to align and things all seem to work out and it can be amazing to watch all the good things that befall the husband/artist.

Like when a tweet from a real-life celebrity said this last week:

gonna buy this NC Winters piece. for the fam- this is exactly how it feels to be gone from everyone.

(referencing this piece, created for a group show in LA). True enough, come to find out that piece did sell to said celebrity, not to mention the publicity that N.C. got from said celebrities 1 million plus twitter followers plus however many follow his blog.

Or when, the night of the show, N.C. was interviewed for a show on a cable network available nationally.

Or when, a few days later, someone contacted him wanting to buy the other piece he had in the group show.

Or when we found out that a piece in another gallery sold.

Or when he picked up another two comic strips, bringing his weekly total to 5 separate strips (one of his key gigs).

Or when he got invitations to 3 more shows in the next 6 months.

I don’t say all this to brag–because really, I know that this is a feast portion for the feast/famine part of an art career–but to say that the last 2 1/2 weeks have been really inspiring to watch. It’s not about the money (though, with a baby on the way, of course that’s a great and helpful thing). Instead it’s about seeing these moments where my husband’s star shines a little brighter than it did the day before. About living in the moments where my husband comes one step closer to his goals and dreams. In THOSE moments, it’s a reminder that I believe in him for a reason–not just because I’m his wife, but because I believe he’s talented and destined for great things. And while it can be tough a lot of the time to be married to an artist, watching him as he gets closer to his dreams is pretty damn inspiring.

Three years ago, we stood outside on an amazingly beautiful Texas hill country evening, and said our vows while friends and family looked on. It wasn’t the beginning of our commitment to each other–a wedding that came after 6 years of being together just made it the solidification of a commitment that was already there. I was never unsure, never got cold feet, never nervous about what we were doing (only of tripping up the aisle!). It was absolutely right to stand at the end of that aisle and walk up to you, to see you waiting at the end for me, to be joined to you.

Three years later and I know you’re not my other half–I’m a whole person with or without you, as we’ve always known it should be–but you make the whole of me better. You bring out the joy in my life and I can’t imagine my world without you. And as we start our family, it looks like “when and if” have both come, and I thank the heavens everyday for bringing me you, the most unlikely yang to my yin.

I love you–Happy Anniversary

Sometimes I feel like my husband’s art is the other woman in our relationship. He comes home late after being with her all night, long after I go to bed. He sheepishly hides receipts for the things he’s bought her. He makes plans with her whenever he has free time. Sometimes he’s too tired from being with her to do things with me. I occasionally get jealous and force him to choose me over her, but he always goes back.

Other times, I feel like his art is our child. Our time revolves around it. We spend more money on it than we do on ourselves at times. We’re constantly running all over creation for its events (talk about an over scheduled child). We put all our energy into making sure it has a better chance of making it big. Work, friends, and private time for our marriage can be secondary to its immediate needs.

Either way, his art definitely puts our lives into a  vice grip at times. Deadlines and events and jobs have a way of taking over. I’ve learned over the years of being with him, it’s part of what I got when I said I would accept him and his career. But I’ve also learned over the years that I can: make him take breaks, give me a day (or evening) free from art, schedule better to allow us time off (like this past weekend), work differently so that he doesn’t end up in the studio until 4am 7 nights in a row. I can exert my influence over him as his wife to help him make LIFE and not just art a priority.

And when things get really bad, and he really can’t break away from the art, I do what wives have done throughout history when their husbands aren’t paying enough attention to them–I break out the lingerie.

So, I may have mentioned before, but hubby and I share a car. Yes, here in Southern California. Yes, with our commutes. No, we’re not crazy.

I’d like to say it’s because we were thinking about the impact of two cars on the environment, but the reality is, we’re cheap. When we moved to San Diego from New York, we didn’t have a car, so it was an almost immediate purchase upon landing in the sunny state. Proof: we drove the Uhaul right to the car lot (you just know the sales guys were seeing dollar signs), though we were smart enough to not buy on that first trip.

Anyway, we didn’t have enough money set aside to buy two cars, and given that neither of us had jobs, it just really didn’t seem necessary. I always assumed we would eventually get another car, when we both had work and could justify the cost. And then, when I got a full-time job a few months later, N.C. was working freelance jobs, and it still didn’t seem necessary. When he started working long-term contract work, we thought briefly about it, but his office was on the way to mine, so we just made it work. We just couldn’t see spending the additional money, when our income ebbs and flows depending on his freelance work.

When gas started going up, and up, and up, we decided to shelve the idea indefinitely. Honestly, between the car payments, the insurance, the maintenance, and gas, we just couldn’t afford another vehicle. And since we go everywhere together anyway, it’s not a problem most of the time.

Oh, sure, on days when we have doctor’s or dentist’s appointments it can be a pain, since we sometimes both have to take the time off. Or when we’ve got art stuff that requires the car and it means I can’t go run errands instead. Or if he picks up a new contract gig and we have to rework the schedule to make it doable. Or there are times when N.C. has to go up to LA for business which usually means dropping me off at work, him driving up, and then he drives back in time to pick me up from work. Makes for long days.

But being a one-car family hasn’t been that bad to date. We’ve definitely saved some money, we always get to use the carpool lanes, we are reducing the environmental impact a little, and even better–I don’t have to drive all the time!

Sharing the car all the time can be interesting though. On mornings where we’re both tired or grouchy, the car can be a little…quiet. Sometimes, one or the other of us will just ramble on and on and on, while the other one would prefer to just sit and stare out the window. We both do things while we’re driving that annoy the hell out of the other person–we have to be very aware to not always backseat drive all the time.

It can be a lot of fun at the same time. It gives us plenty of time to talk about our days & allows us to rehash the crappy stuff before we get home, which is kind of nice. Sharing a car also means we both get to see the crazy stuff at the same time, like the truck we saw with a 4 foot pirate flag on the back, or the crazy runner guy we see everyday on the way home, neither of which could be fully explained without seeing.

All the people at our respective jobs think its weird, and it can be, but mostly it’s…nice. I like the time we have together in the car, with no other distractions–no tv, no internet, no art, no blogging, no business, no cleaning, no nothing but time with each other. Everyday I have an hour and 1/2 of time just with my husband and I, and just for talking. Whether we’re talking about our days, about our weekend plans, about our families, about zombie overlords, whatever, it’s time for just the two of us.

Which is a pretty nice perk to sharing one car.

My husband’s been so cute this week. His best friend* is moving to San Diego from Michigan and arrives today after a 5 day trek across country. Every day, N.C.’s given me updates and tells me all about how the trip is going, thanks to daily conversations the two of them have while one is driving through, say, Nebraska, and the other one is drawing on his lunch break.

Ever since we found out about the new job and the move, N.C.’s been like a kid waiting for Christmas. And today has been very much like Christmas eve–so close and yet not quite. He’s more excited about this than anything in a really long time, which is just so adorable. He’s so close to a sqeee moment it’s hysterical (and cute).

See, N.C. has a lot of friends. A crazy lot of friends in some ways, since he’s one of those guys who can talk to anyone at anytime about anything. Plus he’s got a sense of humor and some interesting things about him, so he’s fairly good with the peoples.

But he’s only got the one bestie. I’m pretty lucky, 2 of my closest friends live out here (one in SD and one in LA). But N.C.’s been without a really close male friend around since leaving Tucson a long 4+ years ago. And while we’re super close, I know he’s thrilled to finally have someone besides me to talk to…really talk to.

Now he has a place to go when he wants to get away from crazy wife lady, a place where he can talk boy things (for these two, lots of science, random political stuff, and discussing the most random, theoretical shit). A person with whom he can do all the stuff I’m just not really into/can’t do (may they not break any bones).

And may I just say…

Dear God do you know how good this is going to be for my marriage?

*Until I get explicit approval, I’m declining to name the hubby’s BF out of respect for the nature of his job.