Ramble Ramble

This week’s ControverSunday is all about one of the biggest controversies in the parenting world–vaccines! Let’s piss some people off, shall we?

There was never any doubt in our minds that Jackson would get vaccinated, with the recommended full schedule. We toyed briefly with the idea of delaying vaxs or spacing them a little, but that thought lasted all of, maybe, 30 minutes. At the end of the day, our belief is that vaccines are important. Not just for our kid, but for the community. We live in a place that has had both whooping cough and measles outbreaks in the last few years, and that is in part due to non-vaxing going on in our community. That influences us some, yes. And while there are maybe some less than ideal aspects to vaccinating, and vaccinating doesn’t guarantee that he won’t get those diseases, at the end of the day, we think it’s part of our responsibility as parents to offer this bit of protection to our kid.

Here’s the thing. Do I believe that vaccines are a money making branch of “BIG PHARMA”? Yes. Do I believe that often the medical establishment goes for a “more is better” approach without it being necessary? Yes. Do I think that the government, the medical community and the pharmaceutical companies are in collusion in many ways that affect our day to day health? Yes.

HOWEVER, I also know my history. I’ve read what the diseases we vax against did (and in some parts of the world, still do) to the world populations. I know how they annihilated communities. I know that it wasn’t luck, or healthy living, or parents knowing what’s best for their families that ended those tragedies. It was science. In the form of vaccines. I fall firmly in the camp of the “disease is worse than the treatment” folks. There may be risks with vaccines, but honestly I would NEVER forgive myself if Jackson got something devestating that was preventable through vaccinating and we hadn’t. May I never have to test this theory, but if something happens to him as a result of a vaccination, I believe that it will be because of a fluke—the one in however many chance that every drug, from his vaccines to my birth control, to yes, even the Tylenol I just took, has.

Now, I don’t think that parents who don’t vax their kids are bad parents. I think they love their kids and are doing what they think is right for them.  But honestly, I don’t understand it. Delayed vax, sure, I can understand that. And to an extent, selective vaxing I can sorta understand. But not vaxing at all? I just can’t wrap my head around it.

To be fair, I believe in the responsibility of those who can to provide immunity to those who can’t (go herd immunity). Maybe it’s not fair, but to live in society there are certain things that I think we owe our neighbors. We have rules for food safety, driving safety, why not health safety? Plus, I can’t get past the whole “what if my kid COULDN’T get these vaccines? What if he was relying on his neighbors to help keep him healthy?” And when I ask myself that, I can’t see NOT vaccinating, in case the kids Jackson comes in contact with later can’t.

So we vax, on the full, on-time schedule. Our kid is a champ about the shots. Hep B in the hospital: Jackson cried. But he cried 100 times harder when they had to take blood to test his bilirubin levels. His two month vaccines? He screamed bloody murder, nursed like a madman for maybe two minutes and then passed out. He never got a fever, he slept and nursed pretty much on schedule all day, and was fine the next day. He did cry a little more than normal during the day whenever the one leg that got two shots was bumped, but was fine by the end of the day. His 4 month vaxs? He cried during the shots, and was done about 2 minutes later. I didn’t even have to nurse him to calm him down–and he was his normal self the rest of the day. We watch him for reactions of course, but so far, so good.

At the end of the day, I wish this was one of the things that I could say–hey, just do whatever works for your family. But this one affects more than just your family. It’s not like circumcision, or breastfeeding, or co-sleeping. This one can have a footprint for the rest of the community. And that makes it hard for me to say, “Go on, do your thing.”

For other, more thoughtful discussions, check out these folks:

Our Lady of Perpetual Breadcrumbs: Vaccination Nation

amoment2think: Vaccinations

lilly: Vaccinations, why I do

Accidents will happen.

One of the things I found really frustrating about my c-section was the lack of information I could find on recovery. Oh, sure, there was stuff about the first few days–the days in the hospital, and the first few days home–but I found it hard to find those little tips and tricks that I had stockpiled about a vaginal delivery. Maybe I wasn’t looking in the right places, but for whatever reason I  didn’t see that wealth of mom-to-mom hints that I was looking for.

So I’ve put together a list of tips and tricks that I came up with should any of you ever need them. Enjoy.

1. Get up and walk. Ok, so this one is everywhere, but it’s so important that I thought I’d reiterate it. As soon as possible, get out of bed at the hospital and walk. Even if it’s just to the bathroom, or to another chair, or to the baby. It makes a huge difference in the days that follow, even though it will not be comfortable or pleasant those first few times.
2. Do whatever it takes…to alleviate gassiness and avoid constipation in the early days. This was one tip that a relative gave me, and I have to say truer words were never spoken. Obviously, don’t do anything without your doctor’s ok, but you do NOT want to fight that battle.
3. Pads are your friend. In the early days, when my incision was still oozing a little, I found that putting a pad lengthwise across the incision was the perfect solution. They were held in place by my underwear, provided a little padding from any pressure issues, and were the perfect size to cover the entire incision with a little room to spare.
4. Be careful with positions that may work your abdominal muscles. Once home, I realized that there were positions that I needed to be more careful with than others. Sitting up in bed and getting out of bed were two big ones. Getting in and out of the car was a little tough. Another one that surprised me (but shouldn’t have in retrospect), was getting up from a sitting position with the baby in my arms. Whoo, that one was a dozy in the early days. Whenever possible, use your arms to help you out of those positions in the first few weeks. If you have the option of having someone else grab the baby so you can get yourself up, even better.
5. Also, be aware of stairs. Stairs work your core more than you might realize, and if you’ve got a baby in your arms doubly so. A lot of people may set up camp on one floor if they live in a two story home, but that wasn’t an option for me. Instead, I made a point to go up and down slowly and deliberately. I think in the long run the stairs will have been good for me, but I did have to be very conscious  of how I moved up and down them in the early days.
6. Your belly may hurt, and not the part you might think. In the weeks after my c-section, the absolute most painful part for me? The skin above my incision and below my belly button. It felt like that area had been sanded off with sandpaper–it was so tender that my clothes brushing against that area would hurt. In hindsight, it makes sense–the skin there was very stretched from being 9 months pregnant, there were several different kinds of adhesive put on that area and then ripped off, they shaved that area, etc.–but it was a shock to me how much that hurt. I started putting a mixture of vitamin E and heavy duty lotion on twice a day just to try and alleviate that tenderness. It took about 4 weeks before it didn’t hurt me anymore.
7. Bring on the granny panties. It may have been only me, but underwear was (and to an extent, continues to be) an issue. Because though my incision didn’t hurt to touch, pressure…well that was a different story. And almost all underwear I had, the band hit right at the incision, putting the maximum amount of pressure right where I didn’t want it. After about 2 days of that, I finally broke down and bought the granniest granny panties I could find, so that they came up over my belly and didn’t roll down to the incision. There was still the issue of the tender skin in #7, but it was really the only option (since going commando in the first weeks after giving birth really isn’t feasible!).
8. For that matter, over the belly everything rules. I can technically fit in the jeans I wore pre-pregnancy…if it weren’t for the pressure that they put on my incision. Again, maybe only me, but if you can find stuff that will fit over your belly without pressure, you’ll feel better.
9. The football hold will be your friend. If you’re going to breastfeed, the football hold is pretty much the way to go. The other positions (with the exception of the side lying hold) will tend to put pressure on your abdomen, so for those early days in particular may not be feasible. I found I wasn’t comfortable with the side-lying hold for a few weeks either, because laying on my side was really uncomfortable for my belly, so we got pretty good with the football hold.
10. Breastfeeding pillows may not work for you. Because the football hold works the best, the breastfeeding pillows may not be feasible in the beginning, as they are really more suited to the front facing holds. I just used extra pillows we had around that could be configured however I needed them on the side.
11. A few random tidbits. I used Cetaphil to  gently wash my incision, and put a little bit of vitamin E oil on it when it would start to feel like it was “tugging” from getting dry. Be careful if you want to do belly binding–some hospitals will send you out with a binder, and I know I tried to use one at home (mostly for support), but it put some crazy pressure on my incision that I couldn’t handle. Don’t be surprised if you feel a little woozy or weird when things touch your incision just so. If you can, have your significant other check your incision every few days or so to make sure there’s nothing that has changed or looks off–if so, let your doctor know asap. It may be nothing, but you don’t want to take the chance!
12. Finally, don’t overdo it. I know that’s a cliche thing to say, but seriously, don’t overdo it. Cesareans are major abdominal surgery, and even though you have a new baby, and laundry to do, and a house to take care of–you have to let yourself recover. Make your significant other pick up the slack. Accept any and all help you can. Don’t try and do 3 hours of errands the week after your surgery. Let the house get messy. None of that is as important as taking care of yourself so that you can take care of your new baby.

As always, more lists can be found over at Anna’s at abdpbt!

You know what’s hard about getting older?

Watching your family get older. It’s fucking heartbreaking. And it about did me in over the holidays.

I’ve mentioned on here that my mom is awesome. That my mom and I have an amazing relationship (that we know we’re lucky to have and have cultivated over the years). What I may not have mentioned is that my mom likes to think she’s superwoman, who can (and does) take care of everyone and everything–my whole life she’s been a whirling dervish, with more energy, stamina and spunk than me or my friends combined. Not yet in her mid-50’s, she’s still young at heart.

So I was shocked when I saw her at Christmas. My vibrant, vivacious, energetic mother…wasn’t. Due to some pretty severe back problems, she was in pain. She had mobility problems. She moved like someone well into their 70’s or 80’s some days. It was like her body had aged 20 years in the 6 months since I had seen her last and it was a sucker punch to the gut to watch. Don’t get me wrong–her wit, and humor, and personality were all still there (ARE all still there). But it was like she was trapped in some other person’s body.

The hardest part, though, was how quickly it brought to mind thoughts I’m not too keen on having. Thoughts like, I live 1300 miles away, what if something happens to her? Or like, if she gets hurt, I won’t be here to help. Or like, what if by the time we get around to having kids, she can’t even pick up her grandbaby? Or like, please, God, not my mom, it’s not fair! Or like every horrible, morbid, painful thought you could have about a parent/friend that you love, cherish, and can’t imagine the world without?

I’ve always said, in large part because of living around my mom, that age is a state of mind. That you’re only as old as you act. Unfortunately, this holiday, I had to face the reality that that’s not true. The real truth is that age is one ugly fucking bitch who wants nothing more than to drag you kicking and screaming away from youth and vitality. And that, even worse, she usually wins.

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I want to thank everyone who commented on my post yesterday about writer’s block–it was really great to read everyone’s thoughts and responses. This is one of the many things that has been clogging up my brain, making it impossible to think about much else. I didn’t originally want to write about it because I didn’t want to upset my mom (should she ever read my blog) by talking about her health in a public forum. But I think she would understand that this is really about my fears and my pain at watching her and not about exposing her health issues. At least I hope she understands! And honestly, there are a lot of us out there dealing with watching our parents get older, so I don’t feel alone in sharing this.

So, I’ve not been feeling well the past few days. Unfortunately, I’m under a major deadline at work, so there is no sick time to be taken, which makes things worse, since all I really want to do is sleep, sleep, sleep.

I hate all the normal things about being sick (its probably just a cold–yes, I’m whining about a cold), the sore throat, the congestion, etc., but there are some specific things I hate the most:

1. The shakes. When I get sick, I sometimes get a general tremor that can last for days–it sort of feels like when you have low blood sugar and start to shake, but given the amount of Gatorade I’m ingesting, low blood sugar sure isn’t my problem.
2. Dulled hearing/earaches. It sounds like everything is underwater. Creepy, and not so helpful for the keeping me alert thing. Plus, my ears constantly feel like I’m on an airplane. Boo.
3. Speaking of alert, I hate the general brain fog that pervades when I’m sick. My reaction time is very very slow, my mental capacity is shot (making dealing with my budget today a real challenge), I’m even slower to think of words when speaking. Everything takes longer, is more difficult, and makes less sense. Case in point, I had to type that sentence 3 times to get it right.
4. I hate, hate, hate that cough drops, cough syrup, nyquil, etc, make my stomach hurt. Let’s see..I feel bad enough that I take the stuff, but then the stuff makes me feel bad. It’s lose-lose.
5. I hate that I become a whiny, complain-y, annoying person. And that I can’t seem to help it. I pretty much contain myself at work, but at home (and apparently on my blog) it’s all “wah-wah, I don’t feel good, wah-wah, poor me”. Blech, I don’t even like listening to myself.

Eh, whine, whine, moan, moan.  I’m off to get some more tea and try to focus on my budget for the rest of the day. May you all remain healthy and sickness free.

Surgery went really well last week, and I’m now on the road to recovery–even if I am hobbling down it. I had a nasty chunk of cartilage that was hanging down where it wasn’t supposed to be, causing the horrible clicking and catching. The doctor cleaned it up and, fingers crossed, I should be good to go now.

Turns out my fears about getting up the stairs were unfounded–I was able to (very very very slowly and with the aid of crutches) put weight on my leg that day, so I just walked up the stairs. I think my mom and N.C. were the most concerned that I would be too loopy from all the drugs to be able to walk, but everything went fine.

Now it’s just a matter of doing the physical therapy moves, and getting back up to speed. Might take up to a month or 6 weeks before that happens–I’m definitely still tentative on it and it does wear me out pretty quickly right now. I went back to work on Friday and by the end of the day all I wanted was an ice pack, a pain pill and a bed! So it’ll just be working through that to get myself back in a decent place.

For now, I’m hobbling back to the couch for more video games and some pain killers. Ah, fun.