Ramble Ramble

Over the years, I’ve moved a decent amount. Not just within a city (though I’ve done that too), but big giant moves that have taken me hundreds or thousands of miles away from family and friends. I’m proud of every single one of those moves I’ve done as an adult, since they’ve given me exposure to new cultures and ideas and thoughts. Those moves have really shaped who I am, my ideas on people and religion and politics and a whole lot of other things, and I wouldn’t change those experiences for the world.

But, of course, there is a downside to all those moves–the being away from family and friends. See, I’m not a really outgoing person in real life. In fact, I would go so far as to label myself shy (with strangers)…maybe introverted is a better term. Anyway, because of this, I don’t make friends very easily. I’ve never been one who has loads of friends wherever I go, or someone who can talk to anyone in the room (that’s my husband, the social butterfly). So I often find myself surrounded by lots of acquaintances, but few friends. And as I’ve moved around the country, it’s become even more pronounced when I do leave my friends behind.

When I got married, there was no bachelorette party for me. My bridesmaids were scattered across the globe (California, Texas, and Scotland), with a lot of my close friends & cousins back in Arizona, Texas or Oklahoma. Me being in New York made the logistics of a bachelorette party pretty much impossible. It was no big deal, but definitely one of those occasions where my geography paired with my lack of friend making came into play.

I’m finding the same thing with this pregnancy. My mom is in Texas, so she hasn’t been able to be as involved in this pregnancy as either of us would have liked. I call her a lot, and we’ve found this online video service that helps, but it kind of sucks not having her close by for all this. Sometimes a grown woman still needs her mom, you know? Particularly when she’s about to have her first baby.

The ladies here at my work threw me a small baby shower yesterday, which was super sweet. As we were sitting there chatting, one of the ladies asked, “So how many other showers are you having?” And I said, “Oh, this is the only one.” She clearly didn’t believe me. But when your family and friends are spread out across at least 7 states  and you don’t have a lot of female friends locally (we hang with more guys than girls out here), that becomes the reality. Like the bachelorette thing, it’s not a big deal–a shower isn’t a requirement for having a kid–but it does remind me how far away everyone is. I often wonder how different this pregnancy process would have been, or how I would have felt about it, had I had that circle of females around me that I grew up with, or those friends around me that I’ve since moved away from.

It also makes me sad when I think that, unlike me, my kid is going to grow up without a million family members around. I grew up with aunts and uncles and cousins and grandparents a pretty constant thing in my life. I remember lots of weekends staying with aunts & uncles, or weeks at my grandmothers, or hanging after school with cousins. I remember cutting one cousin’s hair when she was maybe 6 (oh did I get in trouble for that one), or running away “from home” with another cousin (we got in a lot of trouble for that one too), or playing out in the desert with yet another cousin. I always knew I could go to my aunts and uncles for help–they were practically second (and third, and fourth) sets of parents because they were such a part of my life. My kid won’t have those family relationships the same way because we’re so far away from everyone. There’s something a little heartbreaking about that. (Plus, no family around means no free babysitting, boo! LOL).

This post turned very down, which wasn’t really my intention. This isn’t a poor me thing–like I said, I treasure the moves I’ve made, and to be honest, I love love love where we live, and I wouldn’t do any of it differently if given the chance. But the reality of it is that every choice in life has consequences both positive and negative. And one negative consequence of all the positive moves we’ve made is the distance between me and all these people from my life.

Tonight, I went out with a very dear friend of mine. We haven’t seen each other much lately–she’s been traveling and I’ve been..well, lazy and stuck in my own head. Tonight, though, was a great reminder to me of the power of friendship. It wasn’t earth shattering–we went to Chili’s and had some margaritas and dinner–but it was a perfect example of why girlfriends can help keep us sane.

I’ve never been the person with a ton of friends or a giant social circle. Perfectly nice acquaintances? Yes. Lots of people I know and am friendly with? Yes. But good, true friends? The kind who you can call no matter what is happening and they’ll be there for you? No. Instead, I’ve always had a very small handful of ladies who I can call my best friends.

Because there are only a few of them, and we’re busy and scattered, I sometimes fall into the trap of thinking that I don’t need a girls night out. Or that I can just share everything with my husband. Because I don’t want to bother them, or because I don’t feel like I should, or because I know they’re busy, or because I’m busy, or a million other lame reasons. I forget sometimes the absolute necessity of a girlfriend. The abject need of laughing over margaritas, and sharing that…girls only friendship.

But then, I go out with a friend. And because of that relationship, I see a new perspective that only she could have given me. And laugh about this, and reminisce about that, and tell stories of our crazy co-workers/families/lives. It’s such a release, those friendships.

I’m always reminded that I need to work harder at them after a night like tonight.

Today was the hubby’s best friend’s birthday, so we took him out to celebrate at the fantabulous Stone Brewery. Stone brews the hilariously named Arrogant Bastard Ale, and we discovered last year that the brewery is not only local to us, but that they have an absolutely gorgeous garden along with a great restaurant. We figured it would be a great place to spend a Sunday afternoon celebrating.

The food was good, the weather was nice (overcast and sprinkles, but that kept the people away), and of course the company was enjoyable. And then, because this is a birthday celebration for big kids, the birthday boy got an ice cream float.

Wait, let me clarify. He got a beer float. Not root beer, regular old beer.

Here, let me illustrate. Take a glass half full of Stone Smoked Porter and a bowl of vanilla ice cream.

Slowly, add ice cream to beer.

Be careful, the ice cream can create a bit of foamy head…

Aaak, attack of the foam!

Anyway, after you clean up your mess, continue adding ice cream until float is to your liking.

Then, enjoy!

My husband’s been so cute this week. His best friend* is moving to San Diego from Michigan and arrives today after a 5 day trek across country. Every day, N.C.’s given me updates and tells me all about how the trip is going, thanks to daily conversations the two of them have while one is driving through, say, Nebraska, and the other one is drawing on his lunch break.

Ever since we found out about the new job and the move, N.C.’s been like a kid waiting for Christmas. And today has been very much like Christmas eve–so close and yet not quite. He’s more excited about this than anything in a really long time, which is just so adorable. He’s so close to a sqeee moment it’s hysterical (and cute).

See, N.C. has a lot of friends. A crazy lot of friends in some ways, since he’s one of those guys who can talk to anyone at anytime about anything. Plus he’s got a sense of humor and some interesting things about him, so he’s fairly good with the peoples.

But he’s only got the one bestie. I’m pretty lucky, 2 of my closest friends live out here (one in SD and one in LA). But N.C.’s been without a really close male friend around since leaving Tucson a long 4+ years ago. And while we’re super close, I know he’s thrilled to finally have someone besides me to talk to…really talk to.

Now he has a place to go when he wants to get away from crazy wife lady, a place where he can talk boy things (for these two, lots of science, random political stuff, and discussing the most random, theoretical shit). A person with whom he can do all the stuff I’m just not really into/can’t do (may they not break any bones).

And may I just say…

Dear God do you know how good this is going to be for my marriage?

*Until I get explicit approval, I’m declining to name the hubby’s BF out of respect for the nature of his job.

This evening, I actually *gasp* went out somewhere. Drove somewhere that was more than 5 minutes from my apartment and got dressed semi-nicely and everything. Who knew hell was going to freeze over today?

A good friend of mine took me out to dinner, and I chose a place in Del Mar called Poseidon. I’ve heard it mentioned a few times, and I’ve seen photos of what looked to be a pretty awesome patio right on the beach, so seemed worth checking out.

And oh, it was. Let me tell you, that patio was right on the beach. Here was our view:

The food wasn’t too shabby either. I didn’t get pictures of the hummus plate (yum) or our our cocktails, but the house salad was pretty good–no boring iceberg lettuce here:

The Ginger Pesto Day Boat Scallops were also amazing–the ginger cream sauce with pomegranate molasses was very unique and the scallops were perfectly cooked. Plus they were pretty…I mean, look at this guy:

Of course, that should have been enough, but I couldn’t leave well enough alone. First there was dessert and another cocktail. Then, after a walk on the beach, we moved locations to have another cocktail, and ended up sharing 2 more desserts.

And then I had to be rolled home.

Ah well, stuffed as I am, it was a great evening. Great company, great conversation, great food, beautiful views. Plus I got to see this, just to remind me how thankful I am to live here: