There’s a deli across the street from my office that I tend to visit at least a few times a week. They know to grab me the big soda cup as soon as I walk up, they know I’m always going to take whatever I order to go, they know I don’t want cheese on anything ever.  In the four years I’ve worked at this office, I’ve been there countless times, bought hundreds of Diet Cokes, eaten more than my share of bacon cooked on their grill.

I’ll be honest, sometimes I walk over there more for the break than the soda. It’s often my if-I-don’t-get-out-of-this-building-I’m-going-to-explode destination–the Diet Cokes are sometimes just the excuse to leave the building for 10 minutes, step into the sun, feel the air.

Today, I headed over at 9:15 for my first Diet Coke of the day (yes, I drink Diet Coke in the morning. I don’t drink coffee, where else am I gonna get my caffeine fix?). I had gotten to work early, after a really hectic and stressful day yesterday, because I needed to follow up on a few of the issues that hadn’t resolved themselves before quitting time the day before. I walked in to bad news, on about 5 fronts. I wish I was exaggerating.

I’ve been finding myself struggling lately in my role at work. I’m expected to make certain things happen but not given the tools to do them. I’m expected to get results that aren’t realistic for the kind of publishing that we do. I’m expected to create results out of thin air. On top of managing more people, a shrinking budget, and new business models that somehow I get put in charge of, despite the fact that they’re not anywhere near what a marketing professional should be handling. I’m buried, drowning, suffocating, with no idea how to get out of it. I’ve talked to my boss, but I know (and she commiserates), that the answer is just: Make due with what you have.

So when today, after a mere 30 minutes at work, I had already felt defeated and broken by the day? I walked across the street to the deli for my soda. As I stood in line, I began to daydream about how much simpler it would be to work somewhere like that. To just…take orders. Ring up Doritos. Hand over soda cups. Make change. No brainstorming, no upper management red tape. No feeling like you had failed 5x over within 30 minutes of arriving to work by virtue of expectations there’s no way you can live up to.

Of course, then it was time to place my order. I snapped out of it as I walked to the register–I know every job, every situation, every EVERYTHING has challenges. I can daydream about the easier life of a non-”business” job sometimes, but the reality is that nothing is easy, and there are trade offs in each case. I know that I’m lucky to have a job (period), but especially to have one in my chosen field, in my chosen industry, in my chosen city. I know it’s just a series of bad days, but I’m so tired of feeling like I’m so bad at something I know I’m actually not bad at.

Or maybe I am, really, and I should just get out of this racket. The deli across the street is hiring…

Today on Twitter, I became aware of a controversy regarding the popular #fridayreads hashtag. Some folks were unaware that #fridayreads is ALSO a website, and one that sells its services to publishers–meaning, publishers can pay to have their book featured on Friday Reads. There’s more backstory there (including an upset author, and complaints on both sides about lack of transparency, I’ll be honest, I stopped paying attention after a while), but it brought up something I’ve been meaning to write about: what publishers pay for that you may not realize.

Here’s the thing. If you see a book in an ad, you know that was paid for. That’s advertising, duh. But what you MAY not know, is that if you see a book featured LOTS of places, chances are it was paid for.

• When you see a book on a table at Barnes & Noble, that was paid for by the publisher (chosen by B&N, but paid for by the pub).

• When you see a book on the end of an aisle at Barnes & Noble, that was paid for by the publisher.

• When you see a book anywhere on Amazon or BN.com that isn’t the individual book page–that was most likely paid for by the publisher.

• When you see a book at MOST retailers in an endcap, table, or face out feature, the chances are REALLY good (particularly for big chains) that it was paid for by a publisher.*

One of the questions that Shalini asked about publishing was “How do publishers know if something is going to be successful before anyone reads it?” There’s a lot to that question and I’m going to delve into it further next week, but one of the things that question brings up is the fact that books that get publisher money are more likely to do well. When most people think of spending money on a book, they think of advertising, or a big publicity push, or an author tour. But I can tell you that getting a retailer to take your money to promote a book on a table, endcap, front page of the website, or in their window is going to go a LONG way to helping sales.

Think about it: if you are just going to a bookstore to browse (meaning, you don’t have a particular title in mind), are you more likely to shop the tables, where the books are laid out so you can see all the covers, or go to the shelves and search? I know where my eye is drawn and I *know* that it’s paid for.

I think people like to forget that books come to us from a business, an industry. For book lovers, in particular, we like to pretend that they come to us in this cloud of love of the written word alone. And I will say that, by and large, people who work in publishing love books like NO OTHER. But it’s also a business, and there are tricks to this trade. This is one of them–paying for placement. At Amazon, at Barnes & Noble…and at places like Friday Reads.

So my question is–does that bother you? And if so…why?

*updated to add: As Erin points out, accurately, in the comments, many independent bookstores promote titles without publisher payment. My comment was meant more for the big chain stores/national retailers, because indies..well, honestly indies probably have as many ways they deal with this as there are individual bookstores! Which, for those of you who are bothered by pay for placement, is one more reason to support your local indie bookstores!

I haven’t written about book publishing in a while.  A long while. Ok, it’s been like six months or something.

It’s not for lack of trying. But the problem I’ve run into is that a lot of what people have asked me  about (ebooks &  self-publishing in particular) seem to be moving targets. So I’ll start a post and then something will change, and I think “I can’t write about this until things settle down.” But the reality is, the industry is in a state of flux, and probably will be for a while, so if I’m going to attempt to write about the stuff you guys are interested in, I just need to do it–with the caveat that the industry is in a state of flux.

So. This is your warning that I’m going to have some more publishing posts coming up soon. If you have specific questions, drop ‘em in the comments and I PROMISE, this time I’ll answer them (to the best of my ability)! I’m also planning on going back and answering the questions from some of my old posts too, finally.

Bring on the industry speak? Yes.

This morning I had a BIG meeting with the president of my division. I’ve been prepping for this meeting for almost two months, building strategies, making plans, organizing and reworking.

My meeting was at 8am.

I worked on the final details the last two nights until 11. Last night, bed at 11:15 (early, for me). Kid woke up screaming for me at 1:00.

My alarm went off at 5;45.

I was out the door at 6:45.

At 7:26, I got a flat. On the freeway. (Did you know standing in the middle of 10 lanes of traffic is REALLY FREAKING loud?)

(Luckily) At 7:28 Freeway Service Patrol pulled up and helped me out by changing my tire to the spare.

So by 7:38, I was safely ensconced at work. (Fastest tire change outside NASCAR, I think).

Leaving me just enough minutes to log into my computer, fix and print the documents I needed, and walk over to my 8am meeting.

Where I proceeded to spend the next 79 minutes getting hung out to dry.

It was awful. Some of the phrases I heard: “I don’t even know what you do,” “No offense, but when we had a REAL marketing & publicity department,”"Don’t play the victim” and a personal favorite, for OH SO MANY reasons “Just make them listen to you!”

I left that meeting with a smile plastered on my face, until I got to my cubicle, where I promptly sat down and cried. For one minute.

My boss came by later to tell me that she thought I did a great job and that HER boss was thrilled with how it had gone.

I’m glad someone was.

I’m feeling like I should have just stayed on the side of the freeway.

Work has been running me through the ringer lately. My role has expanded, so my workload has expanded, while our publishing program is expanding and all this expanding seems to be causing my head to explode from the stress. My task list is so long that I’ve had to stop looking at the whole thing lest I cry on a daily basis. On top of that, I’m really feeling the strain of my management duties, for the first time since I started managing.

See, when I started my job, I was given management responsibilities for the first time in my career. I had one person who reported to me, and I was tasked with managing her workload, her career path within the company and her professional output. I took my role as a manager very seriously–I have been blessed with some amazing managers in my career, and I know how much a good boss can make or break your experience at a job, not to mention your development in you career as a big picture–and spent a lot of time making sure that I put my absolute BEST into that part of my job.

Today, I manage two departments consisting of 3 full time employees and 3 part time contractors. I like to think that I’ve been given this responsibility in part because of the way I’ve approached managing, and the seriousness with which I take that part of my job.

But here’s what no one tells you about being a manager in the corporate world. It’s sometimes freaking hard work if you’re doing it right. It’s time consuming. You have to deal with a lot of paperwork. You have to deal with red tape. You have to deal with corporate beauracracy. You have to deal with org charts and performance reviews and time off requests and HR and payroll and RULES. That alone can be exhausting.

Then you add in the actual people you manage. Managing one person was a cakewalk compared to what I do now. Now I have different personalities, who respond to different things different ways. The tactics I’ve used for 3 years with one direct report don’t work at all with another. There are different expectations from different people. There are challenges that are new and difficult and I find myself tripping over my role in ways I haven’t before. And it’s wearing on me, because if I’m honest, I feel like I’m not doing it right a lot of the time. The learning curve seems steeper now, but if anything, the stakes are higher.

I wasn’t prepared for how hard managing would be. I think when you enter the working world, you look at your boss and you think about how lucky they are…I mean, they have someone to do all the grunt work (you) while they get to do the big projects and get all the glory. But managing people, while doing those big (and small) projects is hard. It’s not a way to pass the work around, it’s about managing the workflow for your group. It’s about making sure that your people are getting results and getting acknowledgement for that work. It’s about making sure that resources are being allocated correctly. I feel like I have a responsibility to the company to get the best of my team. I also feel like I have a responsibility to each member of my team to lead them well and to GIVE THEM the tools, accolades, feedback, and structure they need and deserve. It takes a lot more time and energy than it might seem to be a decent manager. I want to be a GOOD manager, so I work at it.

But it’s freaking exhausting some days.

Some days, I just want to sit down, do my job and not worry about anyone else.

Some days, I just want to think about my own projects, not someone else’s.

Some days, I just want to worry about my performance, not someone else’s.

All I can do on those days is take a deep breath, spend a few minutes tapping out a blog post that gets my feelings off my chest…and then go back to doing my damn job.

After all, I have a team that relies on me now.