Ramble Ramble

Three years ago, we stood outside on an amazingly beautiful Texas hill country evening, and said our vows while friends and family looked on. It wasn’t the beginning of our commitment to each other–a wedding that came after 6 years of being together just made it the solidification of a commitment that was already there. I was never unsure, never got cold feet, never nervous about what we were doing (only of tripping up the aisle!). It was absolutely right to stand at the end of that aisle and walk up to you, to see you waiting at the end for me, to be joined to you.

Three years later and I know you’re not my other half–I’m a whole person with or without you, as we’ve always known it should be–but you make the whole of me better. You bring out the joy in my life and I can’t imagine my world without you. And as we start our family, it looks like “when and if” have both come, and I thank the heavens everyday for bringing me you, the most unlikely yang to my yin.

I love you–Happy Anniversary

Sometimes I feel like my husband’s art is the other woman in our relationship. He comes home late after being with her all night, long after I go to bed. He sheepishly hides receipts for the things he’s bought her. He makes plans with her whenever he has free time. Sometimes he’s too tired from being with her to do things with me. I occasionally get jealous and force him to choose me over her, but he always goes back.

Other times, I feel like his art is our child. Our time revolves around it. We spend more money on it than we do on ourselves at times. We’re constantly running all over creation for its events (talk about an over scheduled child). We put all our energy into making sure it has a better chance of making it big. Work, friends, and private time for our marriage can be secondary to its immediate needs.

Either way, his art definitely puts our lives into a  vice grip at times. Deadlines and events and jobs have a way of taking over. I’ve learned over the years of being with him, it’s part of what I got when I said I would accept him and his career. But I’ve also learned over the years that I can: make him take breaks, give me a day (or evening) free from art, schedule better to allow us time off (like this past weekend), work differently so that he doesn’t end up in the studio until 4am 7 nights in a row. I can exert my influence over him as his wife to help him make LIFE and not just art a priority.

And when things get really bad, and he really can’t break away from the art, I do what wives have done throughout history when their husbands aren’t paying enough attention to them–I break out the lingerie.

So, I may have mentioned before, but hubby and I share a car. Yes, here in Southern California. Yes, with our commutes. No, we’re not crazy.

I’d like to say it’s because we were thinking about the impact of two cars on the environment, but the reality is, we’re cheap. When we moved to San Diego from New York, we didn’t have a car, so it was an almost immediate purchase upon landing in the sunny state. Proof: we drove the Uhaul right to the car lot (you just know the sales guys were seeing dollar signs), though we were smart enough to not buy on that first trip.

Anyway, we didn’t have enough money set aside to buy two cars, and given that neither of us had jobs, it just really didn’t seem necessary. I always assumed we would eventually get another car, when we both had work and could justify the cost. And then, when I got a full-time job a few months later, N.C. was working freelance jobs, and it still didn’t seem necessary. When he started working long-term contract work, we thought briefly about it, but his office was on the way to mine, so we just made it work. We just couldn’t see spending the additional money, when our income ebbs and flows depending on his freelance work.

When gas started going up, and up, and up, we decided to shelve the idea indefinitely. Honestly, between the car payments, the insurance, the maintenance, and gas, we just couldn’t afford another vehicle. And since we go everywhere together anyway, it’s not a problem most of the time.

Oh, sure, on days when we have doctor’s or dentist’s appointments it can be a pain, since we sometimes both have to take the time off. Or when we’ve got art stuff that requires the car and it means I can’t go run errands instead. Or if he picks up a new contract gig and we have to rework the schedule to make it doable. Or there are times when N.C. has to go up to LA for business which usually means dropping me off at work, him driving up, and then he drives back in time to pick me up from work. Makes for long days.

But being a one-car family hasn’t been that bad to date. We’ve definitely saved some money, we always get to use the carpool lanes, we are reducing the environmental impact a little, and even better–I don’t have to drive all the time!

Sharing the car all the time can be interesting though. On mornings where we’re both tired or grouchy, the car can be a little…quiet. Sometimes, one or the other of us will just ramble on and on and on, while the other one would prefer to just sit and stare out the window. We both do things while we’re driving that annoy the hell out of the other person–we have to be very aware to not always backseat drive all the time.

It can be a lot of fun at the same time. It gives us plenty of time to talk about our days & allows us to rehash the crappy stuff before we get home, which is kind of nice. Sharing a car also means we both get to see the crazy stuff at the same time, like the truck we saw with a 4 foot pirate flag on the back, or the crazy runner guy we see everyday on the way home, neither of which could be fully explained without seeing.

All the people at our respective jobs think its weird, and it can be, but mostly it’s…nice. I like the time we have together in the car, with no other distractions–no tv, no internet, no art, no blogging, no business, no cleaning, no nothing but time with each other. Everyday I have an hour and 1/2 of time just with my husband and I, and just for talking. Whether we’re talking about our days, about our weekend plans, about our families, about zombie overlords, whatever, it’s time for just the two of us.

Which is a pretty nice perk to sharing one car.

My husband’s been so cute this week. His best friend* is moving to San Diego from Michigan and arrives today after a 5 day trek across country. Every day, N.C.’s given me updates and tells me all about how the trip is going, thanks to daily conversations the two of them have while one is driving through, say, Nebraska, and the other one is drawing on his lunch break.

Ever since we found out about the new job and the move, N.C.’s been like a kid waiting for Christmas. And today has been very much like Christmas eve–so close and yet not quite. He’s more excited about this than anything in a really long time, which is just so adorable. He’s so close to a sqeee moment it’s hysterical (and cute).

See, N.C. has a lot of friends. A crazy lot of friends in some ways, since he’s one of those guys who can talk to anyone at anytime about anything. Plus he’s got a sense of humor and some interesting things about him, so he’s fairly good with the peoples.

But he’s only got the one bestie. I’m pretty lucky, 2 of my closest friends live out here (one in SD and one in LA). But N.C.’s been without a really close male friend around since leaving Tucson a long 4+ years ago. And while we’re super close, I know he’s thrilled to finally have someone besides me to talk to…really talk to.

Now he has a place to go when he wants to get away from crazy wife lady, a place where he can talk boy things (for these two, lots of science, random political stuff, and discussing the most random, theoretical shit). A person with whom he can do all the stuff I’m just not really into/can’t do (may they not break any bones).

And may I just say…

Dear God do you know how good this is going to be for my marriage?

*Until I get explicit approval, I’m declining to name the hubby’s BF out of respect for the nature of his job.

Hi, my name is Ginger, and I’m married to an artist. “Hi Ginger”

My husband, N.C., is an artist. He paints, he draws, he designs, he illustrates. He works on canvas, wood, paper, vinyl toys, and the computer (digital). He does the gallery thing, the freelance thing, the commissioned work thing. And then some. He’s into about 100 different things at any given time, and honestly, it’s exhausting.

I knew this when I married him. I knew this before I married him. We’ve been together for about 8 years at this point, and he’s been into art for at least 20 years, so honestly, I had warning. But the reality of it turns out to be very different from just the idea of it.

In reality, it’s a LOT of work. I know, duh, but seriously I had no real idea of how much work it takes to grow a successful art career. There are those rare anomalies who just hit it big, but they are the exception not the rule. The reality includes a lot of time, money, energy, and stress. We schlep art all over creation (made more difficult by having only one car), we pour money into supplies and expenses, we arrange our schedules and time off around shows, we spend hours marketing/promoting/publicizing, we sacrifice “us time” for the creation of art work. And that’s just the stuff that I have part in.

Within all that, there is a particular role that I play as the artists wife. Ok, make that roles.

I am simultaneously manager, banker, publicist, agent, sounding board, calendar keeper, marketing, administrative assistant, researcher, and let’s not forget nag.

At shows I can be the gatekeeper, the silent partner, the sales person, the acceptor/denier of requests, the one scurrying around setting up/tearing down/getting more wine.

It can be, and often is, a full time job that is currently unpaid. Kind of like the worst internship in the world because your husband is your boss. *shudder* (although he says I’m the one in charge. Ok really? Then I want the weekend off. Damn, denied time off, AGAIN).

I couldn’t do all of that if I didn’t TRULY, 100% believe two things: 1)that he is talented enough to make this work and 2)this is part and parcel of what makes him tick. Sometimes it’s hard, dear lord can it be hard, to postpone, sacrifice, give, do, work for all this. The frustrations are many and run deep. But at the end of the day I believe in him, I know it can happen for him, and I know that when it does, it’s to the benefit of us both.

I just wish we were there already sometimes, ya know?