Ramble Ramble

Here are some sure fire ways to keep from blogging.

1. Take a business trip to a conference that has you in sessions from 8:30 – 5, 6, or 7.
2. Have such a crappy laptop that you can’t access the conference wireless network, and a company that doesn’t want you to spring for the in-room internet access.
3. Get sick the day you land in New York for said conference, and feel so crappy that sleeping after sessions or zoning out in front of the Olympics in your pajamas is all you are up for.
4. Stay sick after you get back from your business trip, prompting you to sleep late on your precious days off.
5. Have to go to LA for one of your husband’s art shows, which equates to a travel day.
6. Realize your house is filthy, and that maybe you should be a responsible grownup and clean. Said cleaning may or may not take a full day.
7. Realize the only food in the house is the applesauce you made for the baby, and a few cans of kidney beans, so a thorough trip to the grocery store is in order.
8. Be a lazy slug in the few free minutes you have left, intent on enjoying the baby you missed while travelling, the cat who was missing for 9 days (and is home now, yay!), and the husband who kept everything together while you were gone.

As always, more lists can be found over at Anna’s at abdpbt!

This is a somewhat awkward blog post, but I can’t seem to get it out of my head, so I’m putting it up anyway. I’d love to hear your thoughts.

Lately, I’ve found that a number of the bloggers I read are dealing with the issues of infertility & miscarriage. It’s heartbreaking to read their struggles and frustrations and hurt and anger, but the grace they show in their writing of these events is amazing to see. They make me cry, and they make me think, and they make me hope along with them that things work out this time.

Here’s the part I’m struggling with–I feel hesitant to leave comments for these lovely ladies. Not because their situation makes me uncomfortable, or because I don’t know what to say (although, sometimes I don’t. But that’s not the issue here). Instead, it’s because I always wonder if I may inadvertently add pain to their day. That sounds kind of self-centered when I read it back to myself, but let me splain where my thinking comes from.

We all know how it goes in the blogging world. You leave a comment and often, you get a return visit (not always, but often). Or, for those of us who have CommentLuv enabled, you get to see the most recent blog post title in the comment. And for some of these bloggers, they have read my stuff in the past (and some still do), so they know who I am, and what my blog consists of.  And it’s pretty apparent that it’s baby central around here lately. It’s what my brain wants me to write about lately, and so that’s what I write.

So whenever I go to leave a comment for one of these ladies, I hesitate because I don’t want to inflict my baby-ness on them, since the lack of baby-ness is what is causing them pain. I would hate, HATE, to add even an instant of additional hurt to their world, especially for something as small as a comment on their blog. So I sit with their page open, thinking “ok, what did I post today?” or “She has commentluv enabled, I should wait until my post title is different” or “does the support I’m offering in this comment out-weigh the sting that might be felt if she comes to my blog and reads about the kid?”

And I guess that’s the gist of my question–does the support I would offer in a comment out-weigh the possible sting of coming to my site/seeing the blog post title/knowing who I am and facing a baby? I know what I would do in real life, but in real life we don’t have comment forms following us around.

Internet, what would you/do you do in these situations? Are there other corollaries that are as fraught with tension? If any of you have experienced a miscarriage or infertility, what do you say? What would you/do you want?

Um, holy traffic spike batman–where did all you guys come from? Seriously, my traffic doubled yesterday, which is awesome and all, but I feel like you guys must have landed on the wrong site by accident. Anyway, I hope some of you new folks stick around so we can get to know each other!

Anyway, because of my work nonsense I was never able to post anything here about Delurking Day (the internets tell me that Jan. 14th is Delurking Day, and who am I to argue with the internets?), so just like regular life, I’m late to the party. If you’re out there, I’d love to have you stop by and say hi! Tell me if you have a blog. Tell me a great veggie recipe you know (I need more veggies in my life). Tell me your thoughts on Project Runway’s season premiere (mine? show the damn clothes on the runway! We never get to see the clothes for more than about 15 seconds. How can I accurately argue with the judges from the safety of my couch if I can’t see what we’re arguing about???) Tell me whatever you want, just pop in! I don’t bite, I promise!

I’m completely done with today.Work is officially trying to kill me. I’m trying to launch 4 websites by the end of this month, completely overhauling one e-commerce shopping cart, updating our database, planning our big conference for February, running a contest, getting 3 catalogs created and oh yeah, all the day to day crap that apparently no one else can do. I’m toast, and thus, you get blogging by bullet point.

• I feel like I’m the only blogger on the internet who doesn’t consider herself a writer. I mean, I write (obviously) but I have no great drive to write the next great American novel. I’d rather read it. Honestly, I’m sure those of you who ARE writers come to this site and feel assaulted by the over (and incorrect) usage of hypens, em dashes, ellipses, and commas. I’m sorry–I tend to write the way the voice in my head sounds–but since I have no inclination to be a Writer with a capital W, that’s how I roll.
• There are a lot of blog posts about privacy, and boundaries and such rolling through my reader. It seems like this comes up en masse every few months. It always makes me think, but I’m pretty happy with where my own privacy boundaries have been drawn. Do I sometimes wish I could unload my deepest darkest thoughts for the cathartic release that might provide? Yes, of course. But I’m pretty much a peace keeper in real life, so I would never want to put something on the internet that might result in upset or angry confrontation in person. But DAMN would I like to sometimes.
• To that same end, password protected posts irritate the hell out of me. Honestly, I get the purpose, but every time I see one I always just think “Why even bother to press publish?” I get writing it–you should see my drafts folder full of things I want to get off my chest–but why publish if you’re not going to make it available to everyone? It also has that whiff of clique-ness, like hey this is only for my REAL internet friends, not the rest of you. It doesn’t bother me enough to stop reading someone, but it does bother me.
• I’m full on bombarded by mommy guilt this week (which has a lot to do with the work situation I know). I kind of feel like I’m not making any of the right decisions, or that I’m making them for selfish reasons, or that I’m not in-tune enough with the kid. All of which is crap, I know in my logical mind. But shit if it’s not killing me anyway.
• Why have we made some of the “simple” things in our kid’s lives–like eating and sleeping and playing–so damn complicated? Everything must be researched, and weighed, and what is so and so doing, and is this ok, and shit if I do this will he grow up smart, and ARGHHH I’m going to permanently damage my child if I do/don’t do X. I’m totally guilty of it myself, of course, I just don’t know WHY we make it so hard. I have to tell myself to shut off my brain after a certain point, and just do what feels right for my kid, in this instance, with the knowledge that I have and what I believe.  I just wish I didn’t have to tell myself that, I wish I just did it.

And to round out this blog post, YAY, a baby photo!

Oh, do I have things to say! I’ve got about 18 blog posts started, with more percolating in my brain every day. There’s baby things and family things and pop culture things and work things and holiday things and just random things.

I have photos to post too! Yes, I do, I’ve broken the camera out a little bit more, and am getting the itch to take even more (and not even just of the baby!). I’m excited about my camera for the first time in months and months (almost a year if we’re honest), and can’t wait to bust that thing out.

But of course, this all comes right as the holidays hit, and I get sick (yes, again), and family is coming in town, and work has gone batshit insane, and basically, it’s all going to be a slow trickle until December 28th. And for the first time in a long time, it’s killing me to not have time to post on my lovely little corner of the internet.

After Christmas, though, I’m headed back, strong, into this little blog. Get used to seeing me around a lot more folks. And in the meantime, I’ll leave you with a disapproving baby, who makes everything better.