Missing But Not Hurting

by Ginger on May 30, 2013

in Working Mom

Today is my 4th of 7 days away from my family for a business trip. I am exhausted, I am tired of the city, and I wish I was in my own bed. And yes, I miss my family.

But I don’t ache to be with them. In fact, I haven’t even talked to them every day that I’ve been here. N.C. and I have texted a lot, but we haven’t actually spoken on the phone every day, and I haven’t talked to Jackson every day. And, oddly enough, I’m ok with that.

I can admit that part of it is because it’s so exhausting to be here: I was on my feet for the better part of 9 hours today, I only got 5 hours of sleep thanks to the jackhammers outside my window at 11pm (oh, look, they just started again tonight), and I’m basically running on a combination of caffeine and pure willpower. I’m too tired, both mentally and physically, to get too caught up in missing my guys. I miss them, but I can’t wallow in that, you know? I’ve got a job to do.

Part of it, too, is that it’s a *kinda* nice break. I don’t have people or animals climbing on me. You guys, it’s been 4 whole days without someone TOUCHING ME for extended periods of time. Without an animal climbing all over me. It’s kind of glorious. I love my child, I love my animals, but I think we’ve established that I don’t *really* love being used as a human jungle gym.  So this is a nice break from that, one I’m happy to acknowledge and take advantage of.

My first business trip after Jackson was born hurt my heart. It was hard physically, it was hard mentally, but mostly it was hard emotionally. He was six months old, and I felt this horrible pain at being almost 3000 miles from my baby, and there was a part of me that wondered how I would ever leave him and not feel shattered in pieces. But that changed for me. I miss him (and N.C.), and wish they were with me(or, more accurately, me there with them), but I don’t feel like my heart has been pulled from my body by being here. I’m thankful that I don’t feel that same pain now–I miss him, but it doesn’t hurt, if that makes sense. For me, this is one of those “it gets better” parenting things, that I can leave him and be ok (and even enjoy myself). And I’m so glad that I’m in this phase now, instead of that one. I’m glad this got better.

(That being said, I still can’t wait to get home to my bed, my schedule, and most importantly, my boys.)

Tragic Sandwich May 30, 2013 at 8:35 pm

Enjoy yourself, now and when you’re back!

april May 31, 2013 at 5:23 am

This is how I usually feel when I’m away, and I always feel guilty for not missing them more. And I MISS them, but … the break is nice sometimes.

Comments on this entry are closed.

Previous post:

Next post: