This week has been really really rough. Like, cry several times at work rough. And I kind of hate writing that because, wah, no one likes to hear the same stress filled sob story over and over, but there you go. It’s been a hard week. It’s been a hard few weeks. I’m stressed, I’m sick, I’m exhausted, and I practically have steamer trunks under my eyes these bags are so big and dark. It’s been long hours, and I feel hollow I’m so tired after this week.
I walk a fine line here sometimes. I’m not terribly anonymous online, people I work with know about and read my blog, and hey, yeah, it’s a pretty easy google step from my name to this place. I don’t like to complain too much about work because 1)no one wants to get Dooced, but more importantly to me 2)I don’t want the sole online record of my attitude to employment to be negative. If I ever need to look for another job, I don’t want someone to find a post with me complaining about my job and say “ah, she can’t hack it.”
But at the same time, there is a wearing down that is happening to me, and y’all know that the way I tend to deal best with the stuff that is weighing on me is to write it out. On the one hand, some of the projects I’m working on are super cool (HEY, we launched 3 apps this week! Along with a massive marketing/publicity campaign! And a new website! That’s pretty awesome!). On the other hand, I’m so busy I can barely appreciate them (HEY, I have 5 projects of that same scale happening at the same time! Not to mention the REST of my day to day work! And staff and contractors to manage!). I have 3 different to-do lists going at any time, and 4 different calendars, and heaven help me if I don’t write down a task because it it’s not written down there’s NO way it’s going to happen. I’ve worked 50+ hour weeks the last 3 weeks, including late nights and weekends. I’ve struggled with tech issues that I still don’t entirely know why I’m handling. I’ve been passive aggressively blamed for failures that aren’t my fault at the same time being asked to do more work for the person blaming me. I feel WORN DOWN TO A NUB.
And even just writing that paragraph has lifted a weight off my chest.
I don’t know why writing it down, knowing that I’m going to push “publish” automatically makes me feel better. Maybe some part of me feels like putting it out there lets me really let it go? I dunno, that sounds pretty froofy. But whatever it is, it just goes to show another reason why I love this blog–because it gives me a place to release my anxiety and stress. Which explains why when I’m too tired to write it becomes a terrible catch twenty two…hmmm. All I know is that I can’t keep up this pace forever at work, and I can’t keep up being so busy and tired that I’m not able to write here. Neither of those two things is acceptable.
Anyway, that’s been what’s up with me. What’s up with you?
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