The Stirrings of Anxiety

by Ginger on February 4, 2013

in Becoming Myself

I find myself a little more emotionally tender lately than I would like. Simmering below the surface are fears and tears and (milder versions of) the dark thoughts I’ve worked so hard to conquer. I feel the edges of anxiety creeping up, up, up, and I’m having to actively fight a little more to push them back down.

Anxiety is an asshole.

The odd part, though, is that at the same time, I feel and recognize that I am happy. I am blessed in my life, I am enjoying my family, I am lucky to have the things and experiences and people I have. I am loved.

The dichotomy between happiness and anxiety feels wrong. My anxiety, while never welcome, at least didn’t feel as out of place with the unhappiness of last year. It feels even more intrusive knowing that there is happiness on the other side of this bullshit.  I don’t want this to be in my life. I don’t want this to be my battle, however hard or easy it is. I just want to enjoy being happy, you know?

It’s back to basics for me: I need more sleep, I need to cut back on caffeine, I need to eat better, I need to exercise, I need to stop reading the news, I need to do the things my therapist has spent a year telling me to do. I got lazy, I got complacent, and now I have to do the work again. Because I’ll be damned if I’m going to let the stirrings of anxiety grow into anything remotely like they were before. I’m too happy to let that happen.

Manda February 4, 2013 at 4:03 pm

I have so been there. It seems so easy to just make the list and try to get on with things but when there is that *thing* eating at you making you tired and messing with your brain … hang in there. Treat yourself well. Anxiety IS the asshole.

April February 4, 2013 at 4:57 pm

You … Me … it’s so much of the same. I’ve been very stressed lately, so I feel that my anxiety is slightly justified, but I got off my anxiety meds a little over a month ago and I’m on high alert to make sure I don’t spiral before I realize it.

Hang in there! I’m always available if you need to work through anything! (I need to DM you my phone number)

Hope February 15, 2013 at 6:41 pm

I’ve been there, too. 🙁

Hugs, you can totally do this.

cars June 1, 2013 at 5:39 pm

It should be fun to buy a new car! Driving a new
car is such a great experience, and purchasing the car should be fun as well.
A lot of people would rather skip the whole purchasing process.

Keep the stress to a minimum using these tips.

Comments on this entry are closed.

Previous post:

Next post: