And Yet

by Ginger on June 21, 2012

in Day in the Life

I don’t know if I’m remembering it right, but in my memories I was a total fish as a kid. I recall loving water, spending hours and hours swimming during the summers (with the green hair to prove it). Of trips to the community pool, to the Y, to the beach, to water parks. I remember how excited I was when we moved to a house with a pool. Heck, I remember “swimming” around in my bathtub as a kid–and yes I have the chipped tooth to prove it. There’s something about water I’ve always loved.

Now we live…here.

 

I see the water on my commute daily. If I take the freeway, I see it about 5 times. If I take the coast? Ahhh, bliss. I feel a peace, a calm when I see the water that I can’t explain. I feel…still. Settled.

We talk about leaving here someday. The cost of living is high, our income is not. We sacrifice things financially to be here, not to mention the sacrifices of being so far away from family. We may never be able to buy a home here. We may never be able to do more than get by if we live here. The smart thing would be to go somewhere else, somewhere less expensive.

And yet.

And yet.

I’ve never felt so connected to a PLACE. To the physical geographic place. If you took away the restaurants we like, the shops we enjoy, the parks we play at, the places we frequent…I would still love it here. I would still love this place–this air, this water, these trees, these flowers. The marine layer and the sunny days and the ocean breezes.

I may miss my family and wish they were closer. I may wish we had more money to do the things that money can do.

And yet.

Robbie June 22, 2012 at 8:56 am

breathtaking pictures and I am very jealous of your views! We’ve had to leave places we’ve loved before because we just couldn’t make it work financially-job lay offs and not being able to find anything locally. I find that in time i usually find some things I LOVE about our new location and the longer we are there the harder it is to move again.

Ginger June 26, 2012 at 9:58 pm

I’ve been lucky (so far) that all of my moves as an adult have been my choice, not something I’ve been forced to do. But even when I’ve lived somewhere I haven’t loved, I do try to find *something* to love (hint: it’s usually food, in some form ;-p).

Classic NYer June 22, 2012 at 10:51 am

You have just so eloquently described my feelings about New York. I am barely able to get by here, and probably somewhere else would be cheaper… but nope. Not moving.

shasta June 22, 2012 at 12:01 pm

Now you know why many of us natives never want to leave. Sometimes I think I choose to be a working mom solely to fund my California address (well, and my Disneyland annual passport).

Ginger June 26, 2012 at 10:00 pm

I don’t even take the benefit of Disney!

Nick June 22, 2012 at 5:20 pm

Ginger… I couldn’t have said it better myself. Difference is, I left that paradise you speak of. I left SoCal behind in search of cheaper living, a more comfortable living, a potentially fulfilling life. Now I’m in Texas and there isn’t a day that goes by that I don’t miss or think about San Diego. I miss that peace I got from seeing the ocean or the inland foothills or interacting with the inhabitants of my laid-back hometown.

Tremendously.

Don’t get me wrong, Texas isn’t that bad. We are buying a HUGE house right now that I could never afford in San Diego. We are saving money. But I still feel connected to that place you get to say “good morning” to every day. My heart will always be there and I hope one day to return.

Maybe our perspective helps you to solidify yours. 🙂

Ginger June 26, 2012 at 10:01 pm

Having lived in Texas, and with family still there…yeah, I feel you. I may have grown up there, but I don’t feel this connection there at all!

I won’t say that the idea of saving money isn’t tempting sometimes though!

Shell Flower June 22, 2012 at 5:48 pm

I just got back from the town I went to high school in where my parents still live in a suburb of Indianapolis. You can buy a 4 bedroom new home there on .5 acres for around $ 150,000, but it is sooooo lame there. They have even made an “arts district” in the town and tried to make it cool, but it’s sadly cheesy and doesn’t have half the character that my town has. I’ll take being poor and having a bay view from my desk and a mountain view from my couch any day over that place. Just sayin’.

Ginger June 26, 2012 at 10:03 pm

It’s definitely hard to think of giving up the proximity to water…even for the money!

Cloud June 22, 2012 at 9:52 pm

You know, home ownership isn’t all that it is cracked up to be. If you have the life you want here and the only downside is that you’ll be renting forever… I say you’re doing pretty damn good.

I know it is more than that, and I know what you mean- when I think of what we could buy in AZ for the price of what we have here, it boggles my mind. But I’m lucky in a way, in that my career means that moving to AZ isn’t really a smart option. There are far more jobs for me here. So here we stay. And here is home.

Ginger June 26, 2012 at 10:06 pm

Funnily enough, we’re probably about 85% happy being renters, with that 15% being reserved for when another drawer in our kitchen breaks and we can’t just rip the stupid things out ourselves. But we don’t feel like we’re really losing that much by not buying–even if it’s hard to diminish that cultural opinion that home ownership means being a stable grown up.

melanie jean juneau June 22, 2012 at 10:29 pm

to be connected to the place where you live is very precious. It connects you to nature/God to and peace, life, energy in a powerful way. You describe how you feel the benefits emotionally and spiritually and It seems that your higher power/God is using the ocean and surrounding nature to heal you. It is wonderful. Enjoy.

Tina C. June 23, 2012 at 8:57 pm

I alwaysI thought I would have to move out of state if i ever wanted to own a house. Instead my husband and I bought a house slightly outside city of SD limits (just east of SDSU in La Mesa) I thought it was going to be crazy far commute to work for me (worked in del mar area) but it turned out to only add 10 minutes to my drive. Anyway I thought I’d share because it is possible…

Ginger June 26, 2012 at 10:10 pm

We’ve thought about moving east, which would definitely make the money a little easier than here on the coast. Although I will say that we lived in Escondido for 2 years and I definitely don’t miss the heat that direction in the summer…(says the lady who grew up with 100+ degree summers all her life…)

linette June 24, 2012 at 6:02 pm

Just stumbled across your blog and wanted to tell you how much I enjoy your writing and snippets of your daily life.
I also live in San Diego and feel your longing to be here, the sight of the ocean instantly steadies my racing heart rate somehow, but I also know it could be so much financially easier somewhere else. I’m not convinced the trade off is worth it though.
Also, your son sounds like a kindred spirit to my own son…those first years were downright horrendous at times and I kept thinking I must be doing it wrong because he seemed so out of control compared to other kids. My depression and anxiety were off the charts and I only see that now looking back…anyway, the point of my rambling is that my son is now nearly 8 and still has his challenging moments, but he’s really a great kid at the heart of it all and I don’t think I screwed him up too badly during those early years. 🙂 It does get easier and the saying about how “the days are long but the years are short” is so incredibly true.

Ginger June 26, 2012 at 10:13 pm

I have to wonder what’s more important–the soul or the bank account? (Honestly, I think it depends on the day…)

And oh man, you give me hope for my wild child little man. I love him desperately, but sometimes I’m just convinced I’m screwing up how to handle all his energy. I will take every piece of hope that it gets better!

Hope June 24, 2012 at 6:18 pm

It has always been my dream to live near the water.

Ginger June 26, 2012 at 10:14 pm

You know what’s funny? I never really had that as a dream. I frankly thought it was unattainable, so wasn’t something I ever considered. I feel so blessed every time I see the water now and know I call this place home.

gigi June 26, 2012 at 1:04 pm

What you describe? Is exactly how I feel about California and have ever since I left 11 years ago. We never thought we’d be able to return, and moved from place to place trying to capture that feeling somewhere else. We never did.

It’s been a 3 year process to get back here and I wouldn’t have it any other way. For the first time in a long time, I feel like I”m home again.

It’s easy to feel so torn about where to live and what factors are most important. I totally get it. I also know that what you’re meant to do long term will be made obvious to you. I hope for you to have open eyes and an open heart when that happens 🙂

Ginger June 26, 2012 at 10:17 pm

It’s funny because this is the first time I’ve ever felt this strongly about a PLACE, not about the other stuff surrounding a place (people, family, things to do, etc). It’s amazing how content I feel here. I know we’re making sacrifices now to be here, and probably will have to continue making sacrifices, but it’s…home.

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