I always knew I wanted to get married and have kids. As a lifelong nurturer, it was something that I always felt was right for me. But there was never a specific Mr. Right at the end of that wish, no guy I dreamed up in my head who all guys were compared to. There was just the feeling that someday, the right guy would come along and take the spot of Mr. Right. He would love me and treat me well and be my friend and companion, and the rest would sort itself out.
As I grew older and began to date ACTUAL boys (instead of imagining them thanks to reading way too many books that were way too old for me!), the spot of Mr. Right seemed like it got filled a few different times. I was a serial monogamist, dating boys for long stretches (mostly, there were a handful of flings there in college), and it never failed that those boys filled the daydreams of future at some point. But, in the end, none of them were right.
When I met my now husband, there is nothing on this planet that would have convinced me that someday we’d be married. I would have laughed in your face if you had told me that the goofy exuberant spaz over by the fire pit would be the one who filled the spot of Mr. Right. And even after we began dating (and what a long, convoluted path we took to that point), and even after we got serious in our dating, I’m not sure anyone, myself included, thought that he would be The One.
Until, suddenly, I did.
Actually, not suddenly. It was a slow realization brought on by a variety of factors that led me to come to the idea that he was not only a good man, but that he was a good man FOR ME.
He’s not perfect, by any stretch. I love him, but I’m not blind or deaf to his flaws. But that’s part of what you learn as you grow up out of the fantasy of Mr. Right and into the reality. The reality is that Mr. Right isn’t about him being perfect. It’s not about never fighting, or never leaving his hair on the bathroom sink, or always seeing eye-to-eye. It’s not about not wanting to strangle him sometimes for being so, so, so HIM (and, vice versa, I know).
Instead, Mr. Right is about the guy who opens his arms and heart for you. It’s about the guy who is your biggest cheerleader and the person who pushes you to be your best. It’s about the guy who loves you for your heart and your mind, who adores you for your humor and your tenderness, who cherishes you for your soul. It’s about the guy who wants your happiness and success, both with him and separate from him. Mr. Right is about the guy who you can talk to, and laugh with, and can’t imagine a world where you can’t do either.
N.C., after 6 years of marriage and the 6 years before that, thank you for being my Mr. Right. Thank you for believing in the best parts of me, for pushing me, for standing with me. I can’t imagine walking through this life with anyone other than you.