The Christmas A**hole

by Ginger on December 21, 2011

in Becoming Myself, Celebrations

I’ve been having a tough time with Christmas spirit. There was the being sick, and the grown-up Christmas decisions, and some general malaise about our finances and how other people have it better and wah-wah-wah. I tried to bake, and it was a disaster. My company gave us the news of no raises for the holidays, and I had some less than nice thoughts about our holiday “events” at work. The day I went out to finish my shopping, I got cut off four times, flipped off two, & run into with three carts (without even an “oops, I’m sorry”). I tried to make candy, and it was an explosive disaster. I even got a stupid freaking cold sore, guaranteed to put me in a FANTASTIC mood.

But then the screwed up cookies tasted pretty good, even if they weren’t nice enough to give as gifts. And the caramel, though not perfect, was giftable (and edible!). The shopping got done, the tree got trimmed, the teachers and school staff got gifts, the secret santa exchanges went off without too many hitches, gifts were donated to a holiday drive, and yet I was left on Monday night still in a bit of funk.

I was being a world class brat. No. As I said on Twitter, I was being the Christmas A**hole. And no one likes that guy.

But between then and now, the holiday joy has started seeping in, making me feel both crummy for my bad attitude and grateful that (however belated), I did finally come into the Christmas spirit. I stopped thinking about what I don’t have, and can’t do, and looked around at how lucky and blessed I am. I looked at the joy in my little guy’s eyes as we drove past lights, and the happiness that just ONE candy coated pretzel brought him. I thought about how excited I am to give him the gifts we’ve chosen for him–how excited I am to see his excitement on Christmas morning. I thought about how many people in this city  alone would smack me for being so ungrateful for all my blessings. I thought about what Christmas really means, and how to let all the rest fall away.

I’m happy to report that the Christmas Ass has left, and has been replaced by someone with actual holiday cheer. I’m feeling festive, and even have some goodwill towards commuters, upper management at my office, and even the twits who ran into me with their shopping carts the other day (some. Not a lot. Just some). I still wish this cough would go away, and this stupid cold sore gets NO love from me, but overall, I’m much less Scroogy than I was just a mere 24 hours ago.

Just in time, because I hear there’s a big holiday coming up soon?

Nilsa @ SoMi Speaks December 21, 2011 at 11:14 am

That’s one of the things I hate about this time of year. We’re obligated to feel festive. And sometimes, we just don’t want to. Maybe you’re feeling forced into doing things you don’t want to do or can’t afford to do right now. Maybe you don’t have family nearby and don’t have lots of friends who host Christmas parties. I think it’s really easy to feel you’re a have not without a lot of stuff. And no one should ever have those feelings forced on you. If it were up to me, we’d get rid of all the stuff associated with the holidays and rather spend our time visiting with loved ones, talking to them on the phone, writing hand-written letters or even jumping on Skype. Those connections are what really matters.

Heather December 21, 2011 at 12:33 pm

I appreciate you for being REAL. Sometimes it’s hard to be in the spirit when there’s SO MUCH GOING ON AT THE END OF THE YEAR. Children are inherently in the spirit because of their anticipation, but we have the PREPARATION part of the procees, and that can be cumbersome at times. I am happy to hear that you’re feeling more into it. Merry Christmas!

Michelle December 21, 2011 at 1:10 pm

I totally get this. But instead of the Christmas Asshole, Chris keeps calling me Krampus.

I have not been able to get in the spirit of things, despite trying very hard. I have listened to the Christmas music. We have a tree that’s sort of decorated. I’ve done some Christmas crafts and watched the movies and done some family outings relating to Christmasey things. But I cannot seem to find the spirit.

And with the death of my friend, it’s even harder. I think I’m over trying to force it. I hope the joy of the holidays continues to find you! And I hope it eventually finds me. But I’m going to be ok if it doesn’t. Because feeling pressure that I MUST feel this way is only going to be make it worse, I think.

Elizabeth December 21, 2011 at 5:20 pm

We’re doing everything we can to feel festive this year, and I think it’s working. It’s been kind of a cram, but we’ll get there. Hannah is way too young to understand everything, but her eyes light up at the lights and glitter, so that’s a plus.

Brooke @ mommalytics December 21, 2011 at 8:45 pm

I have never been less excited for Christmas than I am this year. And I LOVE Christmas. I don’t know if it’s the being pregnant or the itching or the cold that lasted five weeks interspersed with the stomach flu (or maybe ALL of those things!). I am just way more stressed about getting it all done this year. And Kellen knows what presents are and finds this whole waiting thing to be awful! I feel a little less grinchy now that I am finally done buying presents, and I know Christmas morning will be amazing. But I’d be lying if I didn’t say I’ll be a little relieved come Monday.

Cloud December 22, 2011 at 9:13 pm

I’ve been struggling with my Christmas spirit this year, too. Its been a bruiser of a month, and I’m just worn out.

But I suspect (hope?) that this weekend will sort me out. Provided my 4 year old isn’t TOO disappointed when Santa doesn’t bring her a real camera AND a Barbie princess castle. My sources tell me that the castle won’t fit in the sleigh….

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