I Worry…

by Ginger on November 17, 2011

in Mom Thoughts

I worry that I’m failing him.

I worry that the looks and judgment are right.

I worry that it’s not just a phase.

I worry that he’ll never be calm.

I worry that it’s not just that he’s two.

I worry that it’s because I’m not teaching him right.

I worry that it’s because I’m messing up.

But he’s so sweet.

And he’s so clever.

And he’s so happy (when he’s not tantruming).

And I see him learning.

And I see him growing.

And I know I’m doing the best I can.

And I know that tomorrow I’ll worry about something else.

I hope.

 

Trina November 17, 2011 at 10:56 pm

That was beautiful. You are doing a great job and that’s a beautiful picture.

Lisa November 18, 2011 at 7:15 am

I think if there were blogs 25 years ago, my mom would have written the same thing about my brother. (I was an absolute angel, of course 😉 )

I promise, it is because he is two. My brother got a lot better when he was old enough to participate in sports. He started playing hockey when he was four and that gave him a way to work out his energy, his brain was challenged with learning how to play, and he learned the discipline of going to practices, focusing, having a goal, etc.

He’s now a 28 year old computer programmer, completely brilliant, and a kind & compassionate person. I know it is SO difficult sometimes now, but I promise it’s just that he is two. All those things that are frustrating now are signs of his brilliance and it will all start coming together one step at a time as we go along.

You will have to beat the girls off of him with a stick though, better be practicing that side-eye, Mama! 😉

Katherine November 18, 2011 at 8:24 am

Have you forgotten what N.C. was like his first year of college? He’ll calm down, but it might take him 20 years.

Jennie November 18, 2011 at 9:17 am

If we could just always parent in our homes and never in public, I think we’d all be ridiculously confident in our parenting. (You can feel the judgment about everything you do, as a parent, even if you know you’re doing right by your kid.) I’m thinking of you and let me know if you ever need an ear.

Mama Durso November 18, 2011 at 1:36 pm

I agree with this 100%. While at home, I worry a little about doing the right thing (does he watch too much tv? Should I have made him wear a sweater? Is that a battle I should have taken on?), out of the home is a whole different story. The glares, the looks of pity, the understanding smiles… it all undermines your confidence.

Elizabeth November 18, 2011 at 1:17 pm

Does the worry ever end? I’m just grateful that it’s well blended with such intense enjoyment. He’s two, and you’re the exact mother he needs.

Kate November 18, 2011 at 4:02 pm

That’s a beautiful post and a beautiful picture. Parenthood inevitably makes you doubt yourself – every move, every decision, every choice. You are doing great and Jackson’s happiness and health is living proof!

Sheila November 19, 2011 at 8:50 am

I’m sure the people giving you the looks don’t have two-year-olds. Or else they don’t remember it. They are ALL difficult. And some are more intense than others — doesn’t have anything to do with your parenting or mean anything’s wrong with your kid.

I feel embarrassed sometimes because my son behaves SO much better in public than in private. He’s so fascinated with everything new that he’s almost always happy. You’d think this would be a good thing … but I feel bad when I see other people’s kids misbehave, and I KNOW they’re thinking, “Look at THAT kid, he’s being good ….” When the fact is, he’s often way worse, just it’s never when other people see it. So when I complain about having a tough day or all the struggles we’re having, they all say, “Oh, that happy, cheerful, pleasant child? It couldn’t possibly be so.” Oh yes it could! Once, when he was about nine months old, I was so sick of him screaming and screaming that I laid him down and took a video. I wanted PROOF that the kid cried when no one else was around!

No matter what sort of kid someone has, they misbehave and are trouble a lot at this age. It just might not be where you see it. Most toddlers flip out in public fairly often … and most non-parents seem to think it’s their parents’ fault. It isn’t. They’re just kids in a grown-up world who don’t know what to do with themselves. It will pass.

clara November 19, 2011 at 2:51 pm

I dearly love hearing from people who knew obnoxious (or typical?) boys who are now awesome adults. As a female who didn’t know any boys growing up I am flying blind and I have a lot of that worry. Like, WHAT IS YOUR DAMAGE! worry. I have only my husband and his brother to go on, and my husband has a piss-poor memory, so I’m asking his mom all the time: Did he talk about BUTTS all the time? Did they bicker CONSTANTLY? (the answer is always “oh yes, I remember it well”)

Like Sheila, above, my child behaves like an angel in public. People, strangers, at school come up to me and say oh you’re A’s mom? He’s always got a smile on his face / what a polite boy / he really pays attention / blah blah blah and I’m sitting there going, yeah, OK, he yelled at me before breakfast because I asked him to put pants on so I guess that’s normal? I hope?

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