Try, Try, Try Again

by Ginger on October 20, 2011

in Mom Thoughts

The kid has been showing some signs of the terrible two’s lately. There is much boundary pushing, much tantrum-ing, much hitting (to my chagrin), much wearing-out of his parents. Not that there’s not adorableness and fun and hysterical too, but some days, MAN is two filled with jerkiness.

We all end up frustrated sometimes, my husband, my kid, me. There are days when I feel like a two year old dictator is beating me senseless. Or, more accurately, like I’m beating my head against a brick wall disguised as a two year old. There are days when I lose my temper, when I yell a little louder than I had meant to, when I say no more than I wanted to, when I contribute to the chaos instead of helping it.

I try to acknowledge when I’ve pushed too hard, when I’ve been out of line, both to myself and to my kid. I know he’s only two and probably doesn’t understand, really, but sometimes I have to pull him over and say “Mommy’s sorry for yelling like I did bud. I was upset, but I didn’t handle it right. Can I give you a hug to say sorry?” It’s more for me, those words, than him. He’d be more likely to understand “Momma sorry. Hug?” but I need to say the longer version too…for me.

I recognize that I’m not perfect, as a person or a parent, but I try to do my best by my kid. I try to make sure I talk to him like he’s worthy of my time. When I do have to correct a behavior, yes, even when I have to yell, I try to do without anger or frustration in my voice. I don’t always succeed, no, but I try.

This parenting thing is tough. One second you can feel like “I’ve GOT this man. I’m in the groove, we’re understanding each other, I know what I’m doing.” The next? “OH CRAP WHAT HAPPENED? I have no idea what I’m doing.” Some days, after the kid has FINALLY gone to bed, I just throw myself on the couch and lay there, staring at the ceiling, knowing that I get another chance to do again, to do it better, to make it smoother, tomorrow.

I dunno. None of this is revolutionary. It’s been said, by every parent, ever. I just need a reminder sometimes that it’s not, for either of us, about the individual events. I can screw up something one minute, and do something else perfectly the next. I’m his parent for the long haul, and there are bound to be mistakes in there seeing as how I’m, oh, a person. But the goal is to try and do my best for him.

Without losing my mind. 🙂

Erin at Such Small Steps October 20, 2011 at 1:52 pm

I feel you on the two-year-old thing. My little guy is much more of a hitter than my daughter was at this stage. She was more emotional. He doesn’t throw many tantrums but he has been hitting a lot recently. I’m pulling “Hands are not for Hitting” back out of the closet to start reading to him!

Megan October 20, 2011 at 9:03 pm

I totally feel you on this. It’s so hard to forgive yourself for not being perfect. Which, of course, is ridiculous. None of us are. But, sometimes it feels like we’re supposed to be. I apologize to Charlotte, too. I think it’s important to build trust.

Elizabeth October 25, 2011 at 8:33 am

Hannah’s obviously too young for me to connect entirely, but I think him knowing you’re there for him and that you respect him is absolutely the greatest gift you can give him as a parent.

Kate October 25, 2011 at 1:53 pm

I so feel for you on this. I find myself worrying and crying about how an event played out with Beckett during the day or evening and will even sneak into her room and say a last “I’m sorry” so that the night doesn’t end ugly. She’s not losing sleep over how things played out, but it doesn’t mean that I’m not.

And, as far as the hitting goes – so sorry to hear. Beckett was never much of a hitter, so I don’t have any sage words of advice… 🙁

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