Today and tonight

by Ginger on March 3, 2011

in Mom Thoughts

Today was a bad day. I’m hormonal, I’m frustrated by a million few things at work, and every single damn thing was setting me on edge today. I don’t like when I’m like this, when I can feel my blood pressure rising from a simple email or a light that’s too long. When I feel on the edge of tears because I overslept or someone cut me off.

So it was a bad day. And all day long, I felt my bad day, and I tried to fight it. But you know how it is, you get in that place and you can’t dig yourself out. (And add hormones and damn, you just dig your stupid hole deeper). I began to dread the evening. Because when I’m like that, I’m not a very good mommy. Little fingers and voices push my buttons. Typical toddler-ness makes me grind my teeth. I try very very hard to not bring my mood to my kid, but…well, sometimes it happens. Moms and dads are human after all.

So I was dreading the evening, with the toddler who was going to be overtired and amped up after a day in daycare. And I was still on edge. The drive to pick him up was no better–I was irritated, and irrational. And I KNEW it but damn if I could pull myself together.

But then, I actually picked him up. And, I don’t know if it was just the way he grinned at me when he saw me, or if it was the hug he gave me as I picked him up, but I could literally feel myself relax.I could feel my shoulders drop and my breath release for the first time all day…what felt like all week.

And so tonight? Tonight was a good night. I was a good mommy. I was in my element with him tonight. He was a pill, no doubt. He was overtired and amped up after daycare. He had at LEAST 5 tantrums. He climbed all over me, and was generally a squirrelly little basket case of a toddler. But I was a good mommy to that little boy tonight. Even with all his craziness, he managed to calm me down, bring me off that ledge, and so I was able to be the mommy he needed tonight.

I can still feel the edges of stress creeping in. I don’t know if tomorrow will be the same as today (or the day before, or the day before). But tonight at least…tonight was a good night.

Tara March 3, 2011 at 8:31 pm

I hate those days, when you know you’re not yourself, you know you are being unreasonably crabby, and yet, there is absolutely nothing you can do about it. And I know what a hug from your favorite little person in the whole entire world can do to change that.

I’m glad you have that, too, because there’s nothing better. I’m glad you had a good night.

Cheryl March 3, 2011 at 8:43 pm

They might make us crazy but sometimes we need their enthusiasm to pull us out of a mood. I know I feel better after I’ve been coaxed into playing rather than moping. I’m glad you had a good night and I hope you have a better day tomorrow.

Chuck March 4, 2011 at 1:34 am

I like! Grandkids can have twice that effect on you. I can be feeling down and depressed because of my health and then like magic those kids can walk through the door and everything changes.

Nilsa @ SoMi Speaks March 4, 2011 at 6:23 am

I think it’s so amazing how one adorable look from the kid completely changes my attitude. I think it’s fabulous you were able to shed your day to focus on your son last night. Maybe you’ll get a whole weekend of that over the next few days!

saretta March 4, 2011 at 11:22 am

I’m so glad things turned around for you. We always want to give our kids our best, don’t we?
Visiting from SITS!

Elizabeth March 4, 2011 at 2:57 pm

Those are tough days. I hate when I’m snappy–I take it out on Eric, knowing full well that it makes no sense at all! Being around Hannah does have a soothing effect for me though.

Comments on this entry are closed.

Previous post:

Next post: