I feel pretty, oh so…pretty?

by Ginger on November 12, 2010

in I'm a Disaster

This Christmas, we’re not able to be with any family due to a wonderful confluence of issues on all sides (time and money being the main ones for everyone involved). I’m bummed, but unfortunately, that’s life this year.

Because of this, the requests for our Christmas lists have come earlier than normal, so that all needs for shipping can be accommodated. Yes, we’re (at least on a couple of branches) a family that does lists, which bothers some people, but makes me eternally grateful as I’m the type who will make myself ill trying to find THE perfect gift for everyone. It’s a sickness really.

So. Christmas lists. They’re being asked for, and here I am trying to figure out what I want. And, as is usually the case, I’m finding it hard to think of things that aren’t ridiculous (oh hello DSLR, you’re pretty–so what if I never take photos anymore?) or entirely too practical (mmmm, socks!). And if I’m super honest with myself, what I want is something that isn’t really “giftable”.

I want to feel pretty.

It’s been a long time since I felt pretty. Or sexy. Or pleased with my appearance. It’s been a long time since I’ve felt like my husband has a reason to ogle me (though I love that he does anyway). A lot of it is the weight I’ve gained (and where I’ve gained it), which I know I need to do something about. And a lot of it is the state of my face, and eyes, from being run ragged and not sleeping enough.

But a lot of it is just…I don’t feel attractive in my clothes. I don’t know how to dress this body (still). What clothes I do have have been stretched and stained and torn by my kid, but I don’t feel like I should be in charge of buying myself new clothes because I obviously don’t do a good job (plus, I don’t feel like I should spend the money). I either end up with clothes with no personality but a ton of comfort, a little bit of personality and no comfort, or the double whammy of no personality AND no comfort. What clothes I do like are starting to be out of season (yes, even in San Diego, I can’t wear short sleeves year round).

I look at the people around me and think, man, I’d love to have HER closet. Not because her clothes are amazing, but just…there are obviously more choices than mine. I have about 7 shirts I rotate through during the week. 2 pairs of work pants. 1 pair of “comfy” jeans (and 3 pairs of not so comfy jeans). I don’t think any of it looks good on me, but some of it looks better than others. I have one dress that I wear on “nice” date nights that makes me feel pretty, but…well, you guys can guess how often we go out on “nice” date nights.

Hell, even if we take out the clothes–I feel like I’ve aged a ton in the last year. I feel like my skin is a mess, my hair is lifeless, and I’m desperately in need of some hot wax on various facial features. I’d say I need a day of beauty, but more than that, I want a day where I FEEL beautiful. Where I don’t feel “eh, this’ll have to do.”

I don’t know how to get that wrapped up with a bow under the tree though.

Lisa November 12, 2010 at 5:23 pm

Me too! I was reading some blogs last night and the bloggers have pictures of what they are wearing and they make it look so easy, like they just throw pieces together, and then it looks so *them*. I have no clue what my style is.

Ginger November 14, 2010 at 10:20 pm

I was *never* that person, but now? I can’t even imagine. My style right now is “hey this doesn’t have TOO many stains and vaguely covers up my post baby belly.”

Cherie Beyond November 13, 2010 at 6:39 am

I’m in the same boat. Both appearance wise, mental-state wise, and list-wise. My husband’s family does lists and if you don’t cooperate then they buy you something horrid as punishment. (One year I got the movie Caveman. You know, the one with Ringo Starr and Shelley Long? Yeah, I didn’t know it was a movie either until I got it.)

Anyway, I’m thinking of asking for gift cards to clothing stores this year. Two birds, one stone.

Ginger November 14, 2010 at 10:29 pm

I’m sorry, I just have to laugh at the punishment. You have QUITE the incentive to provide a list!

Gift cards are my general go to, but I’m feeling let down by my usual stores (Ann Taylor Loft used to be my favorite, but…well, I’ve had some quality issues with them lately). Ah, if only I didn’t have to have clothes for work, and could wear jeans and a tshirt all the time.

bekah November 13, 2010 at 11:22 am

Dude, fashionwise, I am a trainwreck. But nothing makes me feel more put together than a cute pair of boots. I dont know if you are a boot girl, but currently I am drooling over TOMS vegan wrap boots. I typically dont like the look of TOMS, but these? I like! If you are a boot girl…check em out!

Ginger November 14, 2010 at 10:32 pm

Ok, I am not usually a fan of TOMS, but those boots are amazing! Those are definitely hitting the Christmas list!

Perpetua November 14, 2010 at 5:53 am

First, I just want to say that you are so cute! That’s what I always think when I see the videos/pictures of you and J. But I know that doesn’t really help if you’re feeling down about your appearance.

What about a personal shopper? I know it would be a little pricey, but it might be worth it. Getting dressed is kind of like any other specialized skill. I wouldn’t trust myself to demo a kitchen, so why am I so sure I know how to put clothes on my body?

Also, what is up with post-baby, um, hairiness? I swear I am growing a beard. NOT CUTE.

Ginger November 14, 2010 at 10:42 pm

Oh, the hairiness. I’ve taken to carrying tweezers in my purse. This is a sad, sad, sad statement.

I’ve contemplated a personal shopper–but I don’t even know where you would go about finding someone. I know that some of the bigger department stores have them sometimes, but I need someone who’d be more Target and less Nordstrom!

Megan November 14, 2010 at 10:14 pm

I could have written this. i always say I need someone to shop for me. And do my hair. And my makeup. I just suck at all of it.

And the choosing comfort or style conundrum? Totally! Coming from the person who changes into sweats two seconds after getting home, you can guess what I ususally choose…

If you get any answers, pass them along.

Ginger November 14, 2010 at 10:46 pm

The comfort versus style issue is probably one of my biggest hindrances. Otherwise, I’d have a full weeks worth of full body spanx and just copy outfits from whatever store I walked into. But I refuse to be uncomfortable all day long, so, you know, there’s that.

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