Rockabye baby

by Ginger on September 23, 2010

in Mom Thoughts, Oh Baby!

Jackson hasn’t been sleeping well. I think it’s the molars coming in, or occasionally nightmares, but it’s definitely not the status quo. In the middle of the night, he’ll wake up–not whimpering, or softly crying, but wailing. It’s the most heartbreaking sound.

In those wee small hours right now, Jackson will only be calmed by me. We’ve tried to have N.C. go in and get him, but most times it only creates louder wails. So I’ve given up trying to share the load, and stumble into his room once, twice, sometimes three or four times a night depending on how bad it is. On weekend days it’s one thing, but weekdays–well, thank god for caffeine.

So I stumble into his room and pick him up. He generally wraps one arm around my neck, one arm holding my nightgown, clinging tightly as he puts his head in the crook of my neck. I sit in the chair in his room, rocking & rubbing his back until his sobs stop, his breathing calms, his feet stop kicking in agitation. Sometimes it’s 2 minutes, sometimes it’s 10, sometimes 20. I sit and try not to fall asleep as I hold Jackson tightly, rocking, whispering, shushing.

I wake up in the morning hating the alarm, wishing Jackson would sleep in, complaining about the disruptive night’s sleep. But honestly beyond the desire for sleep, I kind of love those night time visits. I wish he didn’t have to deal with them, since they’re either pain or nightmares (or both). But it’s nice sitting with him, something he never allows during the day. It’s nice cuddling with him, something he never has time for during the day. And honestly, it’s nice knowing that (however fleeting it is) there’re some things only mommy can do.

Nilsa @ SoMi Speaks September 24, 2010 at 8:42 am

As a parent, I’m guessing that it’s really incredible to watch your child grown and mature and learn new things. But, it’s nice to also be reassured that your child still desperately needs you. =)

Ginger September 24, 2010 at 3:46 pm

It is pretty awesome to watch him learn. The other day he was watching us count “1”, “2” while we held up our fingers with the appropriate digits. Next time we said 1–guess who holds up his little pointer finger? That kind of stuff just doesn’t get old.

But it is, oh so sweet to know he still needs his mommy to rock him sometimes.

Alias Mother September 24, 2010 at 9:13 am

I agree. I have the same love/hate relationship with the middle-of-the-night stuff, especially sickness related. I resent it, but I also love being the greatest comfort my children can imagine.

And, yeah, it’s probably molars. That’s exactly how the Buddha was when hers came in. There was very little sleeping for a bout a month.

Hang in there.

Ginger September 24, 2010 at 3:47 pm

Yes! It’s hard not to resent it sometimes (I would give my left arm sometimes if N.C. could take that 4:30 am wailing session), but there’s that part of me that revels in being the one Jackson needs.

Laura Lohr | My Beautiful Life September 24, 2010 at 9:35 am

I remember those times and the love/hate with the middle of the night cuddles. I have to say that I miss those times.

Ginger September 24, 2010 at 3:48 pm

That’s why I’m trying to really be grateful and present (if slightly groggy) during them–I know they won’t last forever!

OurLittleAshley September 24, 2010 at 10:04 am

Oh, this is just so sweet and adorable.


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