Comments on: ControverSunday: Discipline

By: Alexis

Alexis — Tue, 18 May 2010 19:28:11 +0000

Oy, this is a question that is so hard to answer! What do you do with little kids who are old enough to have some of their behaviors put in check, but certainly not old enough to logic out the finer points of consequences? I am actually not sure how I escaped the first three years of Cha Cha’s life with no major discipline dramas. Now however, we are the house that “last warnings” and “the take a break chair” built. I think that this is another one of those things where you have to trust your gut and follow your instincts. I know that is so unhelpful, but hey, this is a tough job!

As for the touchy subject of spanking, personally I don’t love the idea and don’t want it to be part of our lifestyle, but I don’t immediately shun (though that is not the right word here) others who do use the technique. Almost everyone I know who has “resorted” to spanking has done so over major safety infraction (ran away in a parking lot, dismantled a wall socket etc.) and that I can get because when it comes to safety, there are no holds barred. I would like to believe that it can be avoided with other techniques, but I guess that is a line that every family must draw for themselves.

I think that at the end of the day consistency in whatever technique you choose is key. Keep it up with the “no hitting” and the redirection…as long as you keep at it, the behavior will change. At least I hope…

By: carrie meadows

carrie meadows — Tue, 18 May 2010 18:49:45 +0000

I have an article about spanking that I was required to read in graduate school and have held onto it all these years. It takes a stand against spanking, and just reading it can induce tears. The article cited one case about a father who slapped his daughter in the hand in what he thought was a casual form of discipline. He damaged the nerve tissue in her hand, leaving her permanently disabled. The older our kids kid, the harder it is to keep it together, and I can totally see how a parent resorts to hitting/spanking. I have shut myself alone int he bathroom, with Hayden crying on the other side of the door, because I had to calm down. I highly recommend the following books: Love and Logic Magic for Early Childhood and Taming the Spirited Child.

By: Megan

Megan — Tue, 18 May 2010 03:35:26 +0000

@Partial- I wrote my ControverSunday post all about spanking. I would LOVE to have you weigh in on the discussion there. It sounds like you’ve done more research on the matter than I, and you could maybe strengthen my case!

By: Partial

Partial — Tue, 18 May 2010 03:26:42 +0000

I’m with you on setting boundaries. My husband and I are out all the time and see kids getting away with things our parents NEVER would have let go unchecked.

That being said, and HOORAY for an actual controversy on ControverSunday, I totally disagree with spanking in any form.

Here’s a recent study finding that it merely leads to aggressiveness later on…

http://www.time.com/time/magazine/article/0,9171,1983895,00.html

By: Megan

Megan — Tue, 18 May 2010 03:03:21 +0000

I know what you mean about not wanting to be “those parents”. My husband and I are very conscious of that; we try to be respectful about our surroundings, not infringe on the rights and comfort of others, are very careful about what Charlotte does, etc.

But, at the same time, I know that she’s gonna be loud, she’s going to test her boundaries with other kids, and sometimes we’ll have to bring her to non kid-friendly places, and people will just have to suck it because she’s a citizen of the world, too, you know?

That doesn’t mean I take her to bars or fancy restaurants or that I don’t stop her from bullying other kids (which she does, even older ones). It’s tricky. But, I think anytime you put as much thought into it as we all are, it’s bound to work out.