In flux

by Ginger on March 18, 2010

in Becoming Myself, I'm a Disaster

I feel like I’m having a third-life crisis (ok, so it doesn’t flow as well as mid-life or quarter life, but whatever). Lately I just want all sorts of CHANGE.

I want to change my hair.

I want to change my wardrobe.

I want to change my job.

I want big, drastic changes. Chop all my hair off and dye it pink. Trash all my clothes and buy an all new wardrobe in some funky style. Quit my job and take some dinky, low-stress part time job.

Will I do all those things? No, of course I won’t. Because one of my ever-present traits is that I am “safe” almost to a fault. Have I taken big risks before with my life? Sure I have–moving across country twice without jobs either time was probably not the most stable thing I’ve ever done.

But, I can’t be irresponsible now. It’s one thing if I don’t have health insurance–it’s another entirely to think of the kid not being insured (shudder). It’s one thing if I made stupid financial decisions or recklessly spent my money before I had a family–it’s another thing entirely now that I have other people whose needs I have to consider. So I won’t be charging an all new wardrobe to my credit card, or quitting my career to go work part-time at the local coffee shop. And, because it’s not considered very “professional”, I probably won’t be dying my hair pink either (the cutting off thing may happen though, if I can just get up the nerve).

I don’t know where that leaves me, other than with this overwhelming yearning for something BIG that isn’t coming. I mean, yes, I’m working on that new business idea, but even that doesn’t feel big enough. Drastic enough. Change-y enough. It’ll be fun, but in a lot of ways, it’s just a new version of the same old me.

So for now, I’m in flux, mentally. And I have to find a way to try and tame the urge for change that’s on a constant repeat in my head these days. Because what else can I do, without throwing my family into utter chaos?

Single March 18, 2010 at 10:24 pm

I think you will probably regret it if you cut all of your hair off.

Nilsa @ SoMi Speaks March 19, 2010 at 5:50 am

You’ve mentioned this pixie cut thing already once this week. And if I remember correctly, your appointment is today. I say GO FOR IT. It’s hair. If you hate it, it will grow back. But, I have a feeling you’ll love it. Plus, with a shorter cut, you could buy a really fun hot pink wig to wear on the weekends. You think I’m kidding. I’m not. If it’s in your system, it’s one way of expressing yourself while being able to return to a professional look during the week.

Also? I’m pretty sure some coffee houses offer their employees health insurance. Just saying…

Hilly March 19, 2010 at 4:07 pm

Of all the changes you mentioned, the hair is probably the one to do. Although I bet I am too late now!

I get like this sometimes too. It usually passes. Mostly.

Her March 19, 2010 at 6:53 pm

I cut all of mine off–it isn’t a pixie, but I have obnoxious volume and cannot pull that off. GO FOR IT! And if you already did, I want to see!

Does California have insurance for kids? I know Texas had something for children with uninsured parents. That’s just something to consider.

Could you give yourself a little bit of extra money to go thrifting? You might find amazing accessories to make it feel like you have a whole new wardrobe.

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