Comments on: A painful comment?

By: Carol

Carol — Mon, 08 Mar 2010 07:12:15 +0000

Thats nice of you to be concerned. IVF is tough and sometimes it can be difficult when other people get pregnant quickly. Time to grieve is important. I don’t think most people doing IVF would be upset with you but sometimes if the failure is recent then any comment can be difficult to hear. Its nice to see some sensitivity.

By: Steph

Steph — Sat, 06 Feb 2010 08:42:43 +0000

One of my brides maids (matrons?) suffered from infertility. She had a hard time getting pregnant and then she miscarried a few times. (They ended up doing IVF and had twins!) Anyway, while she was struggling with that, another friend of mine whom she knew, got pregnant. I avoided telling her. I felt like telling her someone got pregnant was too painful. So I did what I do best and said nothing, until they both arrived at my house for dinner and a very visible pregnant belly was on display. We later talked about and her response was, she celebrated other people’s pregnancies/births. She was happy they did not have to go through what she was and it gave her hope on her own situation. I don’t think you will bring them sadness, but instead maybe make them happy away from their situation.

By: lisa

lisa — Thu, 04 Feb 2010 20:20:07 +0000

I wouldn’t consider myself dealing with infertility (it’s been a year, but we haven’t gone for any tests or anything yet, we’re still “just trying”), but I am definitely hoping that it happens for us one day soon, and I’m definitely disappointed when yet another month goes by with nothing. My opinion — I enjoy your baby posts. I agree with Her, it’s a reminder of how sweet things will be, and it’s a learning experience that might make some things easier when it’s finally my turn.

I’ll admit, there are some bloggers that I stopped following after they got pregnant. BUT, those bloggers were also on baby overload; everything was “all baby,all the time” with the letters to baby, belly pics, labor plans, lengthy descriptions of every little thing they’re feeling, and reminders it only took them 6 weeks to get pregnant. You are not like that AT ALL.

By: Ally

Ally — Thu, 04 Feb 2010 17:19:59 +0000

As one of these ladies, I am really happy that you even think about this. Miscarrying was close to the worst experience ever for me, and even though I am pregnant again and things appear to be going smoothly (only 8 weeks, yikes!), I still get twinges of jealousy when I read about other blogger’s happy babyness, as you call it.

However, that certainly doesn’t mean I wouldn’t appreciate a sincere “I’m so sorry, I’ll be praying that you can get through this and that things will work out for you soon”. The support I got from mom’s and non-mom’s alike during my miscarriage was equally appreciated. I just don’t think you can ever get away from the envy thing.

Bottom line: comment away – a sincere expression of sympathy is always nice.

By: SoMi's Nilsa

SoMi's Nilsa — Thu, 04 Feb 2010 14:02:34 +0000

I think this issue can be expanded to a lot of situations where other bloggers write about distress. And either we can’t relate because we’ve never been through it before. Or we feel a sense of guilt because we are in a much better place than them.

I think there are ways of showing your support without shoving babies in their face. If you experienced similar obstacles or emotions, you can share what it was like for you. And if not, merely saying “I can’t imagine what this must be like; my heart aches for you” is sometimes more than enough.

It’s amazing you’re thinking through this … a lot of bloggers don’t … and sometimes it’s to their detriment. The mere fact it is on your mind means you’re less likely to leave an insensitive comment.