Sustenance

by Ginger on January 26, 2010

in Mom Thoughts, Oh Baby!

There is a moment, every morning, that lifts my spirits and sustains me through much of the rough day ahead. It’s a moment that is all mine, a connection between Jackson and me that is just mom and baby with no outside world to encroach on us.

In the morning when the kid wakes up, N.C. brings him to me so I can nurse. He’s often frantic for food–ravenous after sleep, he grunts and squeals and pulls at me until he is actually eating, when he continues grunting and slurping and gulping. I call him my little piggy pig, he sounds as if he’s never eaten before in his life. Finally, when the edge of hunger has been dulled, he moves to a more…reasonable form of eating. Slower. Calmer. Quieter. He slows down and enjoys his breakfast, and being awake, and being near us. He eats and looks around and plays with his feet and is a happy, calm baby.

Sometime during this time, this calm and enjoyable eating, my little boy will look at me, take a pause, lock eyes with mine, and smile. Directly at me. A little, sly smile, like “Hey, I know YOU.” It’s an instant, a few seconds in a long day of hours and minutes that wear me down. It’s over before it could be recorded or memorialized. He smiles, and then he’s back to the task at hand, eating and grabbing his feet and getting distracted by everything around him. It’s a moment that could be missed or glossed over, but one that I savor and enjoy.

I already love being his mom more than I could have ever imagined, and I always knew that I would. But I didn’t know that he would help get me through the rough stuff. I didn’t know that my soul would be healed by a few seconds of a baby’s smile. I didn’t know that in a mere moment, he could sustain me.

Bluebelle January 26, 2010 at 2:24 pm

Beautiful words. One day I hope I’ll be a mummy and get those moments.

small town small times January 27, 2010 at 6:53 am

When I think of my kids (now ages 7 &10) being babies, those are the moments I miss the most. Mmmmm, so yummy.

Lys January 27, 2010 at 9:14 am

🙂 so precious!

Accidents January 27, 2010 at 9:20 am

You captured this so perfectly.

That first morning nurse is my favorite, favorite part of the day as well. Hank is such a distractible nurser these days that before bed and upon waking up are the only times we are so strongly, literally, connected during nursing. In the morning we bring him to our bed, and he is so hungry he stays locked on and I love the closeness. And then, just as you say, after the hunger abates a bit, he pops off to smile at me. Now that he’s older he pops off to “tell me something,” ie, babbles at me, as if we are catching up after the night apart. Sometimes he pokes me in the face (roughly, but I’ll take it) and says “mama!” like he’s so happy to see me. It is amazing.

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