Signs your partner might be a douchebag (Childbirth class edition)

by Ginger on July 13, 2009

in Oh Baby!

I wasn’t going to do a baby related list this week, I swear. I actually had this whole other list worked out of ways that California drivers are crazy. But my weekend pretty much forced me to do a baby post, since it was filled with baby things…we bought paint for the nursery, we bought some baby necessities like the car seat, and we told our families the name we’ve decided on (we’re still determining how many people outside of the grandparents we’re going to tell…). But the biggest thing driving my need to post a baby list was the two day childbirth prep class we took.

One thing that was fantastic about the class, was it reinforced my knowledge that my husband is amazing, supportive, engaged, interested, and going to be a great dad. He was great during the class–taking notes, asking questions, listening, paying attention to if I needed anything, all the things that make me know he’s going to be such a great “coach” during the labor process, and such a fantastic dad.

Some of the other partners in this class? Not so much. Really, most of the other partners looked and acted as if they were dragged along only at the threat of having their access to ESPN or (future) sex cut off. Seriously, some of these people made the moms-to-be so embarrassed and uncomfortable as to make them wish they hadn’t come. There was one couple next to us where the wife kept whispering to her husband “stop, you’re embarrassing me” “honey, that hurts my feelings” “why can’t you be involved like that guy (pointing to my husband)”. And yet this guy just kept on…I felt so bad for her.

So as a warning checklist of sorts, let me present you with a some clues your significant other might be a douchebag, and at bare minimum is somewhat clueless and insensitive, based on what I saw and heard this weekend:

  • On your partner’s weight gain during pregnancy: “Yeah, she’s gained a lot–she used to be so thin.”
  • During the tour of a labor and delivery suite, after seeing the tv: “Hopefully a game will be on that day.”
  • When asked if there are any questions about the labor & delivery room: “Does the TV have a remote?”
  • On seeing a video of breastfeeding: “Hey honey, that’s what your tits look like!” (said loud enough for the whole class to hear).
  • Playing on your PSP for 3 hours straight during the class.
  • Not 30 seconds after being told that mom-to-be had extremely severe morning sickness for 7 months straight, dad is asked how he thinks the pregnancy has been going: “Oh, it’s been great, really fantastic.”
  • Laughing through the entire relaxation exercise because mom’s breathing “sounds funny”
  • After hearing that sex may not be on the table for 6 weeks after birth: “Six weeks? Psh, like you’ll make me wait that long.”
  • Whispering to mom-to-be during a discussion on weight gain: “Don’t worry honey, I’m sure you’ll look good again someday. Or I hope so.”

As always, more lists can be found over at abdpbt:

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{ 14 comments… read them below or add one }

Elizabeth July 13, 2009 at 3:05 pm

Yikes! Not cool at all. I’m glad your guy is much more supportive than that!

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Ali July 13, 2009 at 3:34 pm

Wait, seriously? This disgusts me a little bit.

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abdpbt July 13, 2009 at 4:01 pm

Yeah, I have some memories of these kinds of dads. I guess we’re supposed to just be happy that they’re showing up at the classes at all? Those women are in for a rude awakening once the kid is here.

abdpbt´s last blog post..9 Lists You Might Have Missed During The First Year of ABDPBT

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Alexis July 15, 2009 at 5:26 am

I am still traumatized from my child-birth class. Thanks to my DH’s schedule we did a one day one. Even then guys were moaning and groaning. I just make myself feel better by knowing that men could never survive being pregnant. I just assume the Macho-disinterest is a cover-up for being way out of their depth.

Good luck with your classes, shopping and so on!

Alexis´s last blog post..And I used to like the NYT…

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eliz July 15, 2009 at 5:33 am

I’m horrified. And deeply worried for these women.

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Adorably Dead July 15, 2009 at 5:13 pm

If my boyfriend says any of this crap when we decide to have children, it better be as a joke and I better be laughing or his ass is ditched.

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Dani September 2, 2012 at 9:40 am

“There is a PERSON behind the things you are saying. But when you start throwing those ugly words out ….”

Maybe you should just disagree with the behavior of someone rather than call them ugly names. Just a little advice from one of your other posts on politics. ;-)

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Ginger September 2, 2012 at 1:44 pm

Touche Dani. :-)

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Aaron September 2, 2012 at 8:41 pm

LOL Dani I was gonna post something similar – that’s just too funny. Ginger, the election post you did was great and well said.

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Ellie September 19, 2012 at 7:56 pm

How about when your husband tells you to contact a health professional because you’ve had several contractions in an hour for several hours during your 25th week, then when the health professional says get to the ER and have him drive you he asks you to check how much is in the bank account so he can go have a beer? Does that qualify as a douchebag or more in the way of someone who should have NEVER been allowed to reproduce? Because I’m in the mood to castrate someone.

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Ginger September 27, 2012 at 2:23 pm

Oh, wow. Yes, I would say that that qualifies!

I feel like he’s lucky to still be standing after that.

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Ellie September 19, 2012 at 7:57 pm

Yes, that really happened. His explanation was that he was already mad about something else. So it wasn’t just me who had to suffer, it could have possibly been our child.

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Bethany September 23, 2012 at 3:51 pm

Ugh Ellie, I’d say that qualifies :( Sorry you had to go through it.

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Lauren February 23, 2014 at 2:41 am

Sigh… These are so good to read after having a big fight with basically just myself (husband doesn’t care to respond besides the classic jabs.) I literally just googled: how to deal if your husband is a douchebag… Lol… So I’m actually thankful you called someone an ugly name for my sake. my husband actually didn’t allow me to go to the class, so I have no comparison. But I think that’s saying something itself.

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