It’s sometimes a shock to my system that I’m the grownup now. I mean, seriously? But then things happen that sort of drive home the point. Take, for example, a scenario from a few weeks ago.
See, we recently had our annual performance reviews at work. At 29, I’ve been through my fair share of such things, and since I tend to be good at my job, they’re rarely painful for me. I’ve come to realize over the years though, that giving a good performance review takes a good boss, someone who has honed that skill set. I never really gave much thought to how exactly you hone that skill set, I just knew it wasn’t automatic for most people. It never really occurred to me that I might need to be paying attention to what makes a good review in case I ever had to give one.
I mean, really, that wouldn’t happen forever, right?
Um, yeah, I got my first employee in May. Never dawned on me, through the last 3 months of doing the paperwork for her review, that I might need to actually sit in a room with her and verbally give her a review.
So a few weeks ago, it finally sinks in. I’m going to be the one on the other side of the desk, telling an employee her strengths and weaknesses, her successes and her failures. It was up to me to convey what her performance has been, and where I wanted to see her go over the next year. Gulp.
It was one of those moments where I felt like a kid playing dress-up, playing at being a grownup. I kept thinking someone was going to laugh at the last minute and say, “um, yeah, just kidding! You’re way to young to be commenting on someone ELSE’s career!” But it never happened. That hour during her review was one of the strangest I’ve had as a “grown-up”. One that clearly sent the message that, hey, I’m not a kid anymore.
Despite the marriage, and the moves, and the career advancement, and the everyday grownup things I have to do like clean and pay bills, sometimes something comes along and smacks me upside the head with the message:
You’re the grownup now.