Who are you again?

by Ginger on August 29, 2008

in The 9-5

Yesterday, I got my feelings hurt at work. I know, I know, boohoo. And normally I don’t fall into this crap, but whatever. I’ll say the painkillers made me emotional. Yeah, that’s it.

This week we had 3 birthdays in my group, mine and two other folks, one of whom had the same birthday as me. (I promise, this is the last birthday related post!) Normally for birthdays at work, we pass around a card for everyone to sign, and then either have a small breakfast or a little afternoon cake/sweet break. There might be flowers or a small gift involved.

So nothing on the actual day of my birthday, which I kind of figured, since the third birthday was today. I always sort of figured they would lump us all three together in one celebration later in the week. Nothing Wednesday. Then yesterday morning, as my previous post stated, I had a dentist appointment. I came into work about an hour and a half late and when I get in, this is the only email in my in box:

Please join us at 9:15AM (outside X’s cube) to celebrate Y and Z’s birthday for some breakfast treats!

Needless to say, I am neither Y, nor Z. Nor X.

Wow, way to swing me back to every insecurity I’ve ever had about being left out, ignored, overlooked, or hell just not important enough to think about. Flashbacks to grade school, middle school, high school, college, lunchrooms, break rooms…well you get the point. To me, it’s not about the birthday part–I could care less about that honestly. It’s about the being completely overlooked, completely inconsequential, completely….invisible.

I already feel like the outsider here: despite working here for close to 10 months, I’m still “new” to all these folks who have worked together for 5+ years; I’m in a department with only one other person (who is also new); and the rest of the group doesn’t seem to understand what the heck my role is so they tend to just leave me alone. Also, I know I tend to be introverted and a little on the quiet side about inserting myself into social situations, so I can be a little on the outside edges of everything.

Even still. It hurt to see that email. It hurt to walk by Y & Z’s desks and see the bouquets of flowers and the cards. It hurt like I was 13 again and the only one not invited to the party everyone was talking about. I know I shouldn’t feel slighted–I’m sure it wasn’t meant to be hurtful–but I mean jeez.

At least I was late to work–I’m not sure what I would have done if I had been in the office and been expected to attend the party for everyone but me.

Just Jinny August 31, 2008 at 4:37 pm

Happy Belated Birthday!! I didn’t forget…I just didn’t know..ha ha.

Ginger August 31, 2008 at 8:14 pm

You’ve totally got my coworkers beat then!

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