This is a somewhat awkward blog post, but I can’t seem to get it out of my head, so I’m putting it up anyway. I’d love to hear your thoughts.
Lately, I’ve found that a number of the bloggers I read are dealing with the issues of infertility & miscarriage. It’s heartbreaking to read their struggles and frustrations and hurt and anger, but the grace they show in their writing of these events is amazing to see. They make me cry, and they make me think, and they make me hope along with them that things work out this time.
Here’s the part I’m struggling with–I feel hesitant to leave comments for these lovely ladies. Not because their situation makes me uncomfortable, or because I don’t know what to say (although, sometimes I don’t. But that’s not the issue here). Instead, it’s because I always wonder if I may inadvertently add pain to their day. That sounds kind of self-centered when I read it back to myself, but let me splain where my thinking comes from.
We all know how it goes in the blogging world. You leave a comment and often, you get a return visit (not always, but often). Or, for those of us who have CommentLuv enabled, you get to see the most recent blog post title in the comment. And for some of these bloggers, they have read my stuff in the past (and some still do), so they know who I am, and what my blog consists of. And it’s pretty apparent that it’s baby central around here lately. It’s what my brain wants me to write about lately, and so that’s what I write.
So whenever I go to leave a comment for one of these ladies, I hesitate because I don’t want to inflict my baby-ness on them, since the lack of baby-ness is what is causing them pain. I would hate, HATE, to add even an instant of additional hurt to their world, especially for something as small as a comment on their blog. So I sit with their page open, thinking “ok, what did I post today?” or “She has commentluv enabled, I should wait until my post title is different” or “does the support I’m offering in this comment out-weigh the sting that might be felt if she comes to my blog and reads about the kid?”
And I guess that’s the gist of my question–does the support I would offer in a comment out-weigh the possible sting of coming to my site/seeing the blog post title/knowing who I am and facing a baby? I know what I would do in real life, but in real life we don’t have comment forms following us around.
Internet, what would you/do you do in these situations? Are there other corollaries that are as fraught with tension? If any of you have experienced a miscarriage or infertility, what do you say? What would you/do you want?
Tags:
blogging,
pain